am trying to clean my apartment. have to get some assemblance of order before they start doing this - note from landlord:

About 6 pallets each weighing around 1000 pounds will be rolled across the floor from the front to the side door and to the back door. A pallet is around 30 inches square. A nice walk way is okay.. We will put plastic on your stuff to keep the dirty shoes stuff to a minimum. It may take a couple of days. I need to confirm the schedule.

*** phone ringing ***

am back... eh... okay... i haven't really filled you in on a helluvalotta stuff, have i? well, pertaining to that crazy blind date a week and a half ago... you know, the one that i was on the phone with for 4 hours having a lovely time - the one who lived outside of philadelphia... the one who sent me photos... which must have been from 5 years ago

here's the skinny...

he wasn't very.

skinny, that is... now, whatever, i have dated the chunky boys in the past.... there's always potential. but i kept flashing back to FattyPackMatt™ who plumped up to 280 after a year of dating... this guy was already there - i at least want to date a guy with a fighting chance at the weight

thank you. that was Shallow-as-Hell comment #1

**note.... i know all you folks out there are itching to hit the comment button to say "hey, erin, aren't you trying to lose weight yourself?"... and yes. yes i am. this is not about the weight... i continue...

he smiled at me... told me i was beautiful (that's a stretch, buddy, but thank you) and that was when i noticed his left front tooth... you know, the big chopper, that's supposed to be pearly white...

it was gray...

thank you. that was Shallow-as-Hell comment #2

*** note, yes, i use the crest white strips... i have been known to drink a bit of coffee in my day and have also had my teeth bleached - that was 7 years ago... so hold off on the comment button... it's not the thing that turned me off

what transpired the night of the oh-so-lovely-date...

we meet in hoboken... the gray smile flash happens... we go to scotland yard (a pub there) - granted, it always has the music BLARING...

he's whining the entire time.

okay, whatever... we leave... he thinks i know hoboken like the back of my hand. i don't. i have stepped foot in it over the past 5 months more times than i have in the past 6 years of living up here.

so... we walk over to a pub called mcswiggins. cute divey place.

EMPTY.

whatever... i ask if he wants to leave... no. he doesn't.

eh... okay. yuenglings are ordered... rather than have the bartender hear every get to know you type comment, i say "oh look, there's a pool table back there"

*** keep in mind i am AWFUL at pool. serously, i have a knack for scratching every time i am up. if there are 6 balls in front of the pocket, i miss them all but get the cue in.

i asked if he knows how to play darts.... no (X strike X)

eh, pool it is... whatever, so we're yapping --- blah blah blah we get to the topic of how he just got out of a 3 year relationship back in january...

awwww... .poor guy... semi-warning flag is at half mast.

i wind up BEATING him at pool - i suck, i wasn't trying at ALL. (X strike X)

oh, she lived 7 and a half hours away in Ohio (made me feel a little less guilty about him driving an hour and 20 minutes for me) - a bit odd, a little strange and desperate seeming, but i know folks who have had very long distance relationships for a while...

hmmmm... really? she was 4 years older than you? huh.

yellow caution flag is out and waving...

eh... excuse me? this woman was MARRIED while you were dating her all 3 years!?

ABORT!! RED FLAG!! ABORT!!! XXX STRIKE XXX

what the eff kind of a sadistic desperate freak are you, you fat gray toothed bastard!?!?!?!?

*** note, i wasn't turned totally off by the gray tooth or the extra gut... it was the total lack of respect he had for the state of marriage - even if he wasn't the one married... as it turns out, she was cheating on him in the end - so let's see, this winner of a woman cheated on the "boyfriend" who she was cheating on her husband with

hello... strange ass baggage? no thanks...

so he called me at home this past friday night at 7pm - dude, it's friday, i am not home.

left a message - nary a birthday wish.

okay flash forward to this evening... 10:fricking:30 PM... haven't heard from him and he's calling me THIS late?

a bit rude.

turns out he bought a house FURTHER away (doylestown, pa to be exact)

blah blah blah about himself for 5 minutes... "oh, you seem preoccupied, did i catch you at a bad time?"...

"well", says i,"it IS 10:30 at night."

"so?"

"well, i was in bed" (which i wasn't but i really didn't feel like talking to him, his voice started giving me the heebiejeebies and all that

"oh... so what's new with you?"

"well, it was my birthday on saturday"

"right, i knew that.... happy belated"

(that's IT? a namby pamby "happy belated"?!? no.)

"well, congratulations on your house... i'm gonna get going... so i'll t-- eh... let's just leave it at congratulations on your house..."

"*nervous laughter* okay!! but..."

*click* yep. i hung up.

yep... i am feeling like Miss Sassypants this evening... forgive me.