9:11 PM|yes it's 9pm on a saturday night.
yes i am home...but with the lovely excuse that i am caring for my mama.

so i tried my damndest to stick to the ww diet today. did REALLY well...until i ate the klondike bar...and the bowl of cereal at 8:45pm...and the dried plums...

*sigh* at least i started to write my food down...see that's part of the weight watchers thing... and i hadn't been faithfully doing that in a few weeks. and i have gained. when i HAD been 'journaling' everyday...i had a total loss of 21.2 pounds... must stick with it. (sorry. beating myself up right now.)

DID do a few laps and exercises in the pool... and then i came inbetween 1 and 2pm because that seemed to be the Screaming Splashy Children's Hour...

so i came in and the phone rang... was joe! :) see he's off to national guard for 2 weeks starting today...and he called me while in the field (gotta love that!) see...it's good timing that mom was operated on now and he has duty at this time.

anyway...about to go watch a few movies...no idea what. just finished watching Big Brother 2001. the only person i like on that show is Bunky. other than that, there should be an arson fire set at 3am whilst they are sleeping.

12:32 AM|*sigh* my mom is turning into the mother in Throw Mama From The Train... instead of screaming "OWEN!!!!!!" it's now "ERRRRRIN!!!!!!!!"

kill me.

9:27 PM|oh god. my mom wants to rent a wheelchair and go fishing

i am afraid. very afraid. i have already stepped on her IV, left the recliner somewhat unhinged and she flopped into it and screamed, had the water shooting forth, and a few other things - but fishing? whether it's on a boat or at the inlet, i don't think anything good can come of it.

besides... she doesn't like to eat fish.

9:16 PM|"I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in."
(from some email my friend sean sent me)

4:14 PM|

• openness: 96% (High scorers tend to be original, creative, curious, complex; Low scorers tend to be conventional, down to earth, narrow interests, uncreative.)
• conscientous: 8% (High scorers tend to be reliable, well-organized, self-disciplined, careful; Low scorers tend to be disorganized, undependable, negligent.)
• extraversion: 86% (High scorers tend to be sociable, friendly, fun loving, talkative; Low scorers tend to be introverted, reserved, inhibited, quiet.)
• agreeableness: 44% (High scorers tend to be good natured, sympathetic, forgiving, courteous; Low scorers tend to be critical, rude, harsh, callous.) note: this was considered neither high nor low!
• neuroticism: 76% (High scorers tend to be nervous, high-strung, insecure, worrying; Low scorers tend to be calm, relaxed, secure, hardy.)

3:57 PM|hmmm... guess i am walking the fence on some things. am a 'freak' sometimes...

Need to be unique: 56%
Need to NOT conform: 64%
Willingness to express dissent: 24%
Overall: 53%

{link via swallowing tacks}

3:27 PM|uh. no ww meeting this morning..oh yeah i did wake up at 7:30am but did i go to a meeting? no. fatty fatty 2 by 4 is afraid that the roast beef and trimmings have kicked her ass. i PROMISE i am going on monday night at 5:30pm. have to.
although i AM wearing my bathing suit right now and i must say i don't look half bad in it! yay!
about to go over to the pool....

8:44 PM|so i didn't quite make it to the 5:15pm ww meeting... will try to get my arse over to 'squan by 9:30am to go to the meeting there tomorrow.
my neck & shoulders are sore...from swimming...it's okay, it's a good hurting feeling, y'know?
aunt judy and uncle fran came over for dinner...roast beast...red potatoes...gravy...asparagus...ice cream...yum!!!! i am about to explode. yep. can't wait to weigh in tomorrow.

2:32 PM|hmmm...since i have done ONE day in the pool and feel like i SHOULD start to exercise... here are links for some water exercises:
• weight watchers exercises
• easy swimming exercises for women
• swimming drills
• water works wonders

we'll see if i can haul my butt out there every day or every other day now that i have access to it.

also i HAVE to go to a weight watchers meeting tonight at 5:15pm... totally starting to gain back my 20 pounds (okay, maybe only 5 or so of it so far...but still...i have been pretty lax when it comes to going to meetings lately.) am scared to hear how much i have gained. ugh. i suppose GOING to the meeting is the first step! then i gotta watch what i am gnawing on.

1:56 PM|my cousin kerry came over today and mom was all set with everything, soda, food, tv clicker and she can walk. so Ker & i went outside to the pool (mom's condo is next to the pool) and we swam 10 laps (yes with a couple of breaks to catch our breath at each end.) so up and back was 1 lap. the pool is 40x60...fricking big! and i feel good! really felt like i worked my arms and legs well!!
haven't REALLY gone swimming in a while - like 3 years

and i had a bowl of almond honey bunches of oats and a bologna with swiss and some mayo on wheat bread. so far that isn't bad compared to what HAS been going into my gullet!

what else? i dunno!! maybe since i am not bitching at the moment i will try and find some keen links to pop up on here!!!!

12:57 AM|hmmm.... well... nothing to bitch and moan about today!!!! all quiet on the western front!

• mom is doing fine (still hasn't wanted a cigarette!! knock on wood!!!)
• talked to my dad who is doing fine
• am drying out still from yesterday
• rented the family man with nicholas cage. i liked it. not to be confused with the family guy which i LOVE!
• cooked up a fine meal of roasted chicken breast and a side of smashed red potatoes
• am trying to 'let it go' when i think about the carpet guys (again, not to be confused with the family guy)
• joe called :) and i miss him. yes he might be reading this and yes i am sappy. *sigh*

i am tired. gonna probably go to bed now : bed tonight and last night consisted of me sleeping on the recliner downstairs next to mom's bed and waking up whenever she needed to get up. which seemed like 18 times. and that's fine. i'd rather walk her to the bathroom than having her fall...

oh the home health nurse came to evaluate her today... and had to count the staples in her incision...
59 staples.... i am gonna nickname my mom Swingline

ok... gonna kick back and get nice and comfy in the recliner now for a few minutes til mom needs to be walked!!!

10:55 AM|hey! good news! my friend john a.k.a. johnny storm just got the shockwave site of the day today for work he did for marvel dotcomics v2.0

10:28 AM|so. yesterday was oh. so. much. fun.

well. let's see what transpired, shall we?

seeing as i was up til 3:30am the night before, and woke up at 7:45am - to CLEAN - i was tired. cranky. frazzled. worried. any other feelings? yes. choose. they were there.

ok. so. 8am: i call firstclean (a carpet cleaning place based here in bricktown) i tell them the deal. i tell them about the heavy piece in the living room. i tell them about my elderly dog with the overactive bladder. i tell them i need them to come that day.

'no problem! we have guys that'll move the furniture! and we specialize in pet odor/stain removal!"

great! so part of me is relieved. they will come between 12 - 2pm. fine.

8:30am: i page the social worker whose message i had gotten the night before at 11pm.
8:32: she calls back. telling me that it's 'not the hospital's responsibility to take care of my mother. she got up and walked. she's fine!', and that if my mother 'had medicare instead of that insurance shit' she 'could do something to get her into the rehab'

insurance shit.

and then she says 'well, my mother is sick, too, so you have to deal with it.'

"lady, this is NOT about YOUR mother. and i am sure your mother does NOT have that 'insurance shit'", says I.

anyway... lo & behold, nothing could be done. mom was coming home later that day.

ok...so my aunt judy (god bless her) came over to help me clean. thank God. then the carpet @$$#01¢$ come in and the first thing out of the idiot's mouth is 'I smell animals!' followed by 'that piece is way too big to move' and then his little mealy-mouthed 17 year old 'partner' came inwhining about how he's allergic to cats. um... no cats, kid. dogs. woof.

so they begin. not without comments. yes i admit. the place is not the best. my mom cannot really take care of the dogs in a condo. but archie is 10 (dog years = 70) and beri is 6.

the jerks are saying a whole bunch of stuff including 'you really should have these dogs killed.' and 'there's a chinese restaurant down the street that'll fix them into a poo poo platter' amongst other comments.

fucking bite me... so they are commenting. and i say 'hey, how much is this gonna run me?'... the answer: 'about $350 lady'

so i said 'exactly WHY i hired YOU. because i am paying for you to clean my house, not to comment like you are some cousin of mine that is bitching about the house and doing it for free. so before you really go any further with the comments i suggest you save it and talk about it like 2 gossipmongers after you leave and are eating fingersandwiches later. okay?'

and i turned and left. fucking carpet cleaners.

so later i am paying and i say to the guy real sweetly "hey do you have any suggestions where i can take my dog to put him to sleep?"
HE HAD AN ANSWER RIGHT OFF THE BAT. "yeah down on fischer blvd a guy is really good down there. want the number?"
and i said 'um. no. i was actually being fascitious. i am not the type of person that you seem to be. goodbye."

before they left they made ME go in the laundry room and unhook their stupid hose from the spicket (mom lives in a condo...) and after they left i tried to rehook the garden hose to it. but concensus is that they bent something earlier with pliers.

i 'rehook' the hose.

**WHOOOOSHHHH**

WATER COMES SHOOTING FORTH FROM THE SPICKET directly into my face!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! @(*!@# I CANNOT TURN IT OFF!!!!!!!! things are falling in the laundry room from being hit by water! the pressure of the water hitting me combined with the pressure and stress of the last week, the carpet bastards comments, the water drowning me while standing up, the thought that my mom is coming home and i can't care for her like they can in the rehab, the water soaking the floor and inch high, and the fact that it's 3pm and the house isn't done...well, i start to hysterically cry, my aunt was on the phone thinking i was talking to myself during all this!!!!! so i then say a gurgling "AUNT JUDY!!!" and she was like "holy shyte!!!!" and called my mother trying to find out where the water meter and turn off valve was. we couldn't find it.

i grab a huge punch bowl and am redirecting the INDOOR FIRE HYDRANT'S trajectory from the wall into the punch bowl and aiming it INTO the washing machine. THEN...all these plugged in electrical appliances begin to fall into the washer. water is still shooting forth. i am thinking i will be fried. aunt judy goes next door for help... i am still trying to turn valves and spickets and put a finger in the bursting dam kinda and i turn the valve again and something catches.

*drip*
*drip*

IT'S OVER!!! i was almost to the point where i expected kevin costner to come over saying 'yep, this is worse than waterworld'

but as we know. NOTHING is worse than waterworld.

so that was the pre-wash to me mopping the kitchen floor.

everything after that moment was cake. house got cleaned, bed set up...picked mom up. she came home. all is swell.

anyone think that i MIGHT be able to tell a bit of that on august 28th at stand up ny (@ 9pm) ? believe me. i really wish that i could buy crappy jokes to tell instead of going through this crap. *sigh*

1:05 AM|plus... i think tonight has definitely pushed me over the edge, and i now have tourrets syndrome.

fuck.

1:03 AM|i am sweaty and awake and it's 1am and i just cleaned the upstairs. and now am on my 3rd batch of laundry, i threw out trash. and need to mop the floor. i called the 24hour service thing for the carpet cleaner to try and get him to come tomorrow and bring a strong guy to move the tv hulking cabinet. now i have to figure out how to build this @#$-ing bed for her...and then mop the stinking kitchen floor.

watch me get all this shit done...watch my f-ing answering machine at my apartment get a call saying "whoops! sorry!! we ARE going to send your mother to rehab anyway!"

they had BETTER call with that news. i am about to have a busted aorta in the meantime.

gray hair count: 42

11:44 PM|F*CK!!!!! @!#*$(&!(*@$^

i just checked my phone messages at my apartment (which is NOT where i am since i am down the shore). apparently at 4:38pm there was a call from a goddamned social worker that evaluated my mom and said the insurance will not pay for rehab.

LADY, I WAS IN THE ROOM WHEN YOU EVALUATED HER AND SAID SHE WAS GOING TO REHAB!!!!!! I WAS THERE BY MOM'S SIDE FROM 1pm UNTIL 8:15pm!!!!!!!!!

so i am sitting here freaking out right now because nothing is done in the house i have a carpet cleaner coming wednesday, my stupid cousins didn't set up the bed, my other cousin was supposed to come here tonight to do that and to move the tv huge heavy thing that it's in so the carpet cleaner guy can shampoo things but he didn't because of stupid alcoholic enabler bullshit broken promises and now i GET A FRICKING MESSAGE after the hospital is making my mom walk around 6 times a day and feeding her manacotti, that MY MOM IS DOING TOO GOOD FOR REHAB?!?!?!?

they kept saying "she has to be able to walk a few times a day or shore rehab will not accept her." and NOW she's miraculously CROSSED that fine line of 'needing rehabilatation' to 'being able to almost walk on water'????!?!?!?!?!

i am so pissed. she needed those days. i cannot take care of her by myself. this is horrible. this is so horrible.

9:53 PM|hey well mom's going into the rehab tomorrow. which is fine (yay i can say 'my mother's in rehab kicking her morphine habit'). she finally had solid food today. wanna know what they gave her? fricking manacotti! and then for dinner a french dip steak sandwich!

i had 2 cheeseburgers for the day. from the hospital coffee shop... hey! it's FROM a hospital...can't be more than 2 weight watchers points each right? RIGHT!?!?? right. that's what i am telling myself. oh crap i had ice cream today too. dang. i forgot that.

10:55 AM|so...last night kerry and i headed up to the norwood inn in avon around 4:30pm to go sing irish songs with joe finn (been going to see joe for about 20 years... he kicks butt! and i know a ton of irish songs by heart now from my mom playing his stuff and also dragging me with her to see him)

it's always a great time seeing joe! great guy! and now his son joe, jr. plays too... red hair, too *sigh*

10:40 AM|B.I. - Bovine Intelligence
hahahahahah! moo.

{as seen on asian bastard... link spotted on LYD... }

9:55 AM|
A life without purpose is a languid, drifting thing; Every day we ought to review our purpose, saying to ourselves:
This day let me make a sound beginning, for what we have hitherto done is naught!
-- Thomas A. Kempis

ok. what the heck do i want to do now? now that i have had my 1/4 life crisis? (and yes i plan on living to age 124!!)
i wouldn't mind just sitting on the beach doing nothing. hmmmm...lifeguarding?!? nah. too much work.

i suppose designing SOMETHING or other is still in my blood. just trying to get a grasp on whether it's web or print or....

11:12 PM|what happened to my manners? i cannot believe that i had a lapse in judgement this bad!!!
i removed the link for sticky buffalo from my nav the other day. truely i apologize to the swell eggs who write for the twirling buffalo head...

everyone...follow me!!! let's go visit sticky buffalo!!!!! come on!! (you can come back here later!!!!)

-- ps. mom is walking. and eating jello. i think i am going to take photos and put them in a "Baby's Firsts" type of album....