2:42 PM|well, according to humanforsale.com, i am worth $2,333,404.00 !!! any takers?

(link via brooklyn kid)

1:46 PM|oh dear. gary condit...sex symbol? {{shudder}}

thanks to ernie for opening my eyes up to the link (and a congrats to his puppetmaster being an above average B- in entertainment weekly!)

1:09 PM|

so this is the lovely view from the kitchen window of my apartment. overlooking the backyard i cannot use. my landlords get to use that. they are fixing it up, just added a deck above my window - so i never get any light anymore - and now i have a planter on the window so i can't really see outside... oh well. now i can walk around naked in my kitchen freely.

so i snapped that photo - with the window screen making that grand mesh effect & bars on the windows to keep the stalkers at bay - yesterday when i was up there. it's a weird feeling. i miss being up there and on my own, yet i don't wanna leave the shore. still have til april 2002 on my lease though. (note to self: think about the winters down the shore, erin... all there is to do is go to either the bars or the movies. that's why the selection of guys down here is pretty much either drunks or fishermen... odds are they are BOTH.)

4:56 PM|yay! my buddy mike just started his blog today... go welcome him by visiting it!

ONE OF US!
ONE OF US!
ONE OF US!

10:35 AM|so... i skipped the weight watchers meeting yesterday (and this morning) - woke up late both days. and i am heading up to jersey city today for an hour or so, grabbing the BUCKETS of mail that are hanging out in my doorway... seeing as my landlord was supposed to mail me my unemployment and severance checks about 2.5 weeks ago, and i have had nary a bit of mail here.

so i am broke (hey! the digital camera WAS needed. i HAD to buy that. it's a business expense... what business?! oh HA HA! you are funny....um. i am talking to myself again, aren't i?)

okay back to the topic... driving up and driving back down here before the bennies (what we, down here at the shore, call the folks who live up north in N.NJ and nyc, the big guidos who come down here terrorizing the place for the summer. -- WHAT?! okay, yes.. technically i have become a benny, but only geographically. i am a clamdigger, born and raised. 5 generations, thank you. and i NEEDED my sleep. i was sick of commuting and having no life.... but i digress....) -- before the bennies come down here at 3pm-ish...

then my cousin and his family is supposed to come here and i am bar-b-que-ing... tomorrow kerry and i are going to the fireman's fair in squan - apparently my ex-boyfriend's band is playing there. oh joy. even bigger joy is kerry is friends with his wife and we will be hanging with her. yes.. it's THIS ex-boyfriend. the one i wrote 34 poems about 6 years ago. ironically enough i was unemployed THAT summer too. flashback central here i come! why subject myself to this?

why... because i am self-destructive~! don't you know this!!???

11:23 PM|well... here is a blurb about my site as seen on squished frog:

"Last night I made a point of reading almost every page of gigglechick.com/erin/, written by a woman (named Erin, natch) who's both a Web designer (her site looks great) and a budding stand-up comedian. Fascinating. With her mom's cancer operation and her lists of what she ate to stay on Weight Watchers, it's like reading the Jersey Shore's version of Bridget Jones's Diary. Like any female posting to the Internet, she knows she's got stalkers, and I now count myself among them. I'd ask her to marry me right now, if I weren't already married and thus required by law to stalk my own wife (which isn't much of a challenge since she's right there in bed with me)."

awwwwwww... thank you!!! (one correction: mom didn't have cancer... twas an abdominal aortic aneurysm... but stay tuned for the cancer blog if she doesn't stop smoking.)

and any 30-ish SINGLE guys that are reading this... marriage proposals are acceptable fare to email me with. please send photo and url of your blog so i can see if you are a freak or not :)

but the fastest way to my heart is to come to my show at stand up new york (w. 78th and b'way, nyc) on august 28th at 8:45pm...tell them yer there to see erin!!

what? you thought i wouldn't plug my show with a potential audience of stalkers ripe for the picking out there?!?!

10:53 PM|gazing at aortal tonight (and i admit i haven't posted an aortal pick o' the week lately) i happened upon this site... hornygoat.org

intrigued by the url name... (it's right up there with squishedfrog.com - site i checked out today and am digging it a lot!) like the goat blog.. check IT and the frog blog out!!!

10:15 PM|

yes i have now become one of "those" people who post "cute heinie photos of my dog" up on my blog.

4:29 PM|here's an interesting site that shows who's linking to who...

12:23 PM|so, i was reading clio's site today and she wrote a blurb about:
"I woke up in the kick ass good mood that greeted me the day that I found out the gay-pimp boy had a woman. (Probably was a man, most drag queens walk right by me, I'd never know.) So I expected one of two things: either a horrible day or the best of my life."


i read this... and i had a flashback to 1998. i was dating this guy for 2 months (or so i thought)

i'd met him at a party of a friend of my boss'... we got along great! he was so cute... so sweet... funny too! he asked me over to his apartment one night... he cooked me dinner... i remember that it was steak or something and he had some fancy schmancy beer with it... and he had a ton of candles lit up around the apartment... like 15 of them. and then he brought out some liquor from italy called lemoncello (or something to that effect) telling me a whole crazy story about that... i dunno... so i was tipsy on that stuff.

drags me into the bedroom, turns on Enya (okay, not exactly MY choice for music, but whatever, i said i liked it - only said that because i liked him)... besides the room being incredibly tidy, i look at the bed.... it's COVERED with beanie babies....

okay, so maybe that was the first warning sign...which i overlooked. no... wait... when i think about it, that was the 2nd sign... the first MIGHT have been the pink nailpolish he always wore - impeccably manicured... i just thought he was eccentric.

all we did that night in the bedroom was cuddle and he fell asleep - meanwhile i am all likkered up laying there in the strange, dark room thinking "what the? that's IT? what?" and thinking "jeez, does he think i am too fat? no. well, he MUST like me since he cooked dinner, and asked me to stay over"

so we go on a few more dates. yes. only kisses were had (i am thinking, well, maybe he's just old fashioned since he's not pushing me to sleep with him), i put the thought of beanie babies on the backburner... valentine's day was approaching.... he asks me to dinner for that.

this was the first valentine's day date that i had had in 6 years (but that's a totally different story) and also the first guy that i was 'dating' in the city. my first 'urban relationship'

he takes me... wait. let me correct that. he takes me AND his friend rita - who he just happened to invite up to the city that day - to this place called Stingy Lulu's. a drag queen diner. yes. i will say it again. a drag queen diner. for valentine's day. fine i thought. he's just hip and from the city...

and when he got up and danced with the "waitress" and then got "her" phone number... i just thought 'well, he's really a strong person and in touch with his feminine side' -- little did i realize how true that thought was.

he went away to new orleans for mardi gras for a week or so... came back with a lot of beads talking about a section of NOLA where the guys drop trou...um... ok... (hark! was that a faint butterfly in my stomach screaming at me "ERIN!!! SOMETHING IS WRONG!!!"?)

yet i decided to ask him to my company party - my company at the time consisted of my 2 bosses, myself and 2 other guys. and then we had 150 people crammed into my bosses' apartment. "he" got loopy as hell on margaritas... i was trying to contain myself since it was a company function and clients were there that i had to schmooze with...

then i couldn't find him... i looked everywhere.

except the bedroom. so just for the hell of it... i looked. pandora's box at it's finest.

he was writhing around on the bed with some GUY! a CLIENT at that! ON MY BOSSES' BED!!! holy shyte!!!! i slammed the door. the butterflies are laughing hysterically at me, pointing and screaming "WE told you SO!!!"

he comes running out after me... in front of about 75 folks at this point... and says...

"I'M GAY! didn't you KNOW this?!?!"

um. no. can't say as i did. so... i ran to the 'margarita station' and downed about 3 of them quickly. people were passing me shots, i was almost passing out. some really cute guy was saying to me "let me get this straight... you didn't know he was gay and you thought you were dating for 2 months? damn!"

needless to say... the relationship ended VERY SOON after! ah... naiveté

4:14 PM|ah.... tuckered out & sunburned...and that's JUST my dog! so am i! we went to the cove and swam and hung out with other dogs... archie hadn't been there in a few years... good stuff! then we went to carlson's corner to grab a couple of burgers... he always is the center of attention... now i want to sit and read my book... it's great so far... see the right nav... it's called Rachel's Holiday... read it! good stuff!!

3:53 PM|

archie and beri are home!! archie lost 10 pounds, beri lost 2 pounds... poor ribby ghandi-esque puppies... and over the 3 weeks there, archie got into a nervous habit of -- and this is what the kennel owner says -- chewing on his ankle...so now there's a big welt.

so the pics are them home at last! archie looking quite pooped and sprawled out on the rug... and beri wondering what on earth i have in my hand...

so happy they are back! must take them to the beach tomorrow i think!

11:18 AM|

yayyyyy!!! today is the day!!!!
archie and beri are coming home from the kennel!!! i pick them up in an hour!!

(i think archie is going to have major trust issues when he comes home.)

7:27 PM|

woo!!! i bought myself a digital camera FINALLY!!! treated myself (funny how i can do that and i haven't received my first unemployment check yet... oh well!!) this is me!! and i will have more vanity shots to come!! i am happy.... i will tell you my purchasing fiasco in a little while!!!

but in the meantime, it's a fuji digital camera... yay! now i can (and WILL!) take some pics!!! been wanting to get some sort of camera for a while now! i am all about the instant gratification!!!

so i am doing an impromptu photo shoot... oh by the way...today, i have eaten like i am going on a hunger strike tomorrow!

eggs, pork roll, toast, home fries, caramel chocolate chip rice cakes, mcD's supersized fries, uh... a HUGE soft serve vanilla ice cream with chocolate sprinkles... i am definitely a Polish bulemic... i binge... but don't purge (thank you! thank you! i'll be here all week!! try the veal and don't forget to tip your waitress!!!)

8:33 AM|fuck!!!!! she (mom) has been fucking smoking!
she has been sneaking the fucking shit around outside in the mornings when i am asleep. !! FUCK!

yes. i am pissed. she just underwent this MAJOR operation on july 11th... and they TOLD her that it is DIRECTLY related to smoking.

i wake up... i go over to the computer here in the kitchen, i look outside and i see her breathing smoke... now either she's doing one of her nebulizer/breathing treatments that she has to do... but i do not see an extension cord leading to the machine...nor do i see the machine.

i open the sliding glass door and i quietly say "are you smoking?"

and she looks up at me like a 13 year old pre-pubescent boy getting caught playing with himself...total shock...a small cloud of smoke escapes as she quietly says "fuck."

she starts to explain "erin, it's only been a few i've..." but i shut the door. i do not want to hear this shit. fucking bullshit.

well if she doesn't give a shit about herself screw this. i am thinking of packing up and going home since she's fricking OKAY enough to smoke that shit. "oh erin, i need a back rub" "oh, erin, pass me the tums" " oh erin i feel nauseous" KNOW WHAT?!?!? it's probably your stinking body freaking out that you are smoking your gaddamned menthol fricking true green shit ass cigarettes.

12:33 AM|okay... so peeling my skin off layer by layer very slowly then soaking me in ammonia and lemon juice then poking me with hot needles would be more pleasant than what i have just experienced here for the past 2 hours.

mom wanted 'to search for people on this web thing'.

BUT DIDN'T HAVE AN IDEA AS TO WHAT OR WHO SHE WANTED TO SEARCH FOR!~!!!

and apparently she thinks i am a fricking mind reader who will just magically pull up names of lost souls for her - without her saying anything besides "i don't know..." to my questions of 'do you have any idea as to who you want to find?' and 'do you want to check out a state or town or something to start?'

and when i asked this of her she freaked out on me each time... screaming at me. sitting at my computer, not understanding the scroll bar, hating the fact that i use the 1024x768 compared to FRICKING BLIND WOMAN SIZE SCREEN. and then she reads like a snail

hey people. here's my little anecdote...nope, more like me fricking losing my fricking mind. i am trapped in this town that i have to DRIVE to EVERYTHING and she is practically velcroed to my spleen. i really feel like i am 16 again. this sucks. see... i am whining about my mom and saying this sucks. i am no longer 31. i have taken Exit 91 on the parkway and travelled back in time 15 years. bejeezuz.

i sound like a horrible daughter. really i am not. i just have been used to living along for the past 4 years. OUT of mom's house. and now i am al pacino in godfather III - i try and get out - and she PULLS ME BACK IN!!!!!

i actually went to church today... first and foremost to do the church/God thing... but also as an excuse to get the HELL outta my house.

*pity me* she only has 5 percacets left...and now she's growling at me to rub her feet...
*~whimper~*

7:41 PM|okay... well so far what i ate today (i am only allowed between 20 - 25 points per day) :

• 2 slices rye bread with 2 pats butter each (let's just say for a total of 5 points)

• 2 plain bagels from dunkin donuts slathered with cream cheese
holy crap! i just found out that ONE plain bagel from D&D is 7 fricking points and ONE bit of cream cheese from there is 6 points! i had 26 points in ONE sitting. shyte.

• 1 rotisserie turkey dinner (3 slices of low fat turkey) with a side of mashed potatoes, gravy, stuffing, and hot cinnamon apples from boston market
ugh. found out here that the turkey is 3.5 points...okay, fine...then the stuffing is 7, and the mashed with gravy is 4.5, followed by a lovely 5 points for the stinking apples.

and a LOT of water...my only saving grace.

(wonder how many points communion was at church this morning... 33!?!?!?)

6:08 PM|just set up a new guest book!! try it out... and a big thanks to squib for showing me the wonderful land of signmyguestbook.com

4:14 PM|

august 28th... 9pm... stand up ny...
78th st & b'way...$10 cover & 2drink min.

12:38 PM|so... the 24 hour blogathon was yesterday through today... i didn't participate, and i didn't sponsor anyone...i am a schmuck. (if i had been blogging, my mom would probably have said "you ARE SO ADDICTED!!" and thrown me in a BA program - blogaholics anonymous.)

a few sites have "drawn me in" (since that is ever so important in the blogging world... can you tell i am not bitter from my review? :)

• random thoughts from a large head is a pretty keen & clean (refreshing) site! glad i tripped over it. blogging for the DFW humane society

• pie in the sky was blogging for the ireland funds.

* blue like that was pounding on the keyboard for the national association for children of alcoholics. dug the 'sponsor spotlight' she had...