gigglechick.com

11:49 PM|

disclaimer: i love jenn. she is one of my oldest and dearest friends. so whatever i say about this past weekend that may be derogatory, just remember that she's very sweet... in a granola girl pothead-y way.

this is jenn and i after i first met up with her at the denver international airport - she hasn't changed - even after not seeing her for 5 years!:

we drive to denver just so i can check out the city... really clean place! we go to Pete's Kitchen where i had the BEST breakfast burrito ever.... yum!

so all was swell... we then headed into bouder...

smoke... everywhere... so thick you could barely see the mountains! as it turns out, the smoke was from a forest fire 6 hours away in steamboat springs... the view was still amazing though.

after settling in and placing my stuff on the cot she set up for me (actually was comfortable) we headed out to get some dinner...

went to a place called terrace maya where we had some food and i learned about the effects of the altitude and alcohol (2 margaritas - Oxygen = loopy erin)

okay... saturday!

we headed off to the farmer's market:

and i met jenn's semi-ex-hopefully-fulltime-ex-soon-boyfriend john dunne - also known from here on out as either scumbag (and i hate that word), prick (another word i hate) or !(@# -- the word jackass is too good for him... a little background on this son-of-a-bitch #*!@... ex-heroine junkie, jenn and he have been dating 5 years, he has no brain cells, lived in his van (not down by the river) for a year and is 37.

i swear to you that every 4 minutes he was putting her down for everything! everything. the way that she looked, the way that she was showing me the town - which is how i wanted to be shown the town - the way through jenn's eyes. very laid back and seeing all i have been hearing about for 7 years.

it really pissed me off. i despised him. i tried to be nice. he was with us for 2 hours - invited himself along - yeah - jenn could have said no, but i wanted to see what this fuck looked and acted like for myself after hearing about him for so effing long.

he's a cheap (@!*&#$^ - at the farmer's market kept going up to the cheese and fruit farmer's taking all of their samples... even tried to disguise himself with a hat. kept taking money from jenn to pay...

when jenn wanted to show me something he would say "NO! that's a horrible idea" and when i said "i want to go there" he said "well that';s stupid you don't know shit about this town"

so i was quiet.

we went to the boulder museum of contemporary art where there were some interesting pieces... i wanted to hang there and not rush - this prick starts TOUCHING all the pieces and putting it all down - rather loudly.... jenn then says quietly "john, don't touch that stuff" and he starts screaming at her "STOP TELLING ME WHAT TO DO!"

she shuts up and it's killing me that this girl that's so full of life is being stifled by this schmuck.

she wants to take me to see her "quiet time tree" - with fucko it was anything but quiet.

we went to check out the boulder teahouse - which is really incredible with intricate tiles and such... he's yelling at her inside of this restaurant (we were only in there to look) he's making a scene. outside he runs over to a bush and says "look at these flowers what are they!?" and proceeds to stick his hands and face into the bush to smell... comes out screaming because he's full of stickers - eh... it was a rose bush... effing fuck.

okay. so he's bleeding and still is hanging with us... jenn mentions that she's showing me the mountains on sunday -- he says "oh you can't do that. you're a horrible driver. besides i want to go hiking"

WHAT THE FUCK!?!?

so he says "i'll be over at 9am."

now as a guest it is not my place to say "dude. no. you will not be joining us"... so instead i look pleadingly over at jenn who says "John, you only get to spend one outing with us" and he proceeds to say "I'll be over at 9am"

i hate him. yet that's only the tip of the iceberg.

jenn and i are free of him now. we get to go walk around and have less ex-junkie vibes tapping about us. i take her to the cheesecake factory for lunch. the entire bill - including 2 entrees and iced teas and cheesecake was like $26... that's great in my book. okay - keep that in the back of your skull.

after lunch we go to the boulder army store where i got some kick ass shorts.

at dusk we take her dog Petey to the St. Vrain river - beautiful... here i am in the river. remind me to start ww soon.

that night - my allergies started kicking up - but we went to the sundown saloon and the pub - i wound up telling her that i didn't want john to tag along with us on sunday - she then said that she couldn't call him since he didn't have a phone - and that he's really sensitive and his feelings would be hurt"

what the hell about my feelings!? and MY vacation!? it was to spend time with her and relax. meanwhile all i can think of is the effing effity eff.

okay... here we are after a couple of guinness and some microbrews at the sundown:

it had been chilly out on jenn's street so we dressed in layers. by the time we got to pearl st. it was hot again, so she had hidden her flannel in a bush til after the bars closed. after a few minutes of drunken digging, it was retrieved!

see... we were having fun together. without *^!#@*$^

9am rolls around. john is sleeping in her car - jenn's mom doesn't let this scumbag into her house because of the way he treats jenn. good for her!

okay... well... we go grab some coffee and i wanted to get a disposable camera as well as this digital thing... as we were driving to the shop, jenn asks sweetly "john, could you pass me the juice please?"

john: "WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT ME AND TELLING ME WHAT TO DO!?!?"

what the fuck?! what a prick!

i get out of the car and say "i am getting a camera so i can take pictures of happy smiling faces" and glared at him as i walked away.

i come out of the store. jenn is walking back to the car - i see john walking away a la incredible hulk along the side of the road. jenn informs me that he doesn't want to come anymore. my heart jumps with glee!!

as she's startng the car a shadow creeps along her side. eff. he's back. wants his sunglasses. then opens the door and hops in the car saying he has nothing better to do. did i mention i hate him?

this is the start of a long day.

not 3 minutes into the ride he is telling jenn how much she sucks as a driver. how bad a tourguide she is....

so she says "you're right" (giving in - not sarcastic tone. just withered beaten soul tone) and she let's him drive. i don't want to sit up front with him for fear that i will choke him and go flying off a mountain road.

so i sit in the backseat of the volvo station wagon.

he wants to go hiking. my legs are killing me from all the walking i'd been doing since friday - plus my knee was hurting. so i soke up and said "i really can't" - he was livid. what the fuck?!

okay so i wanted to see the mountains... wow! really great scenery... could you stop over at the lookout point john? - said i.

"NO. you don't want to hike. well i don't want to stop" said the gentleman.

my jaw is wide open at this point. the only shots i have that are still are when he wanted to use the bathroom or get gas.

so here they are:

otherwise... they look like this:

and here's video of driving in the car. woo. (3mb)

so fuckwaddle is calling the shots and wants to see the stanley hotel - the place from The Shining. yeah that's neat and all but i really could care less. wouldn't have minded getting a look from the car but take a tour?! well we didn't take a tour. did i mention what a cheap FUCK he is!? well we pull up to the gate - it's $2 to get in(even though i said i really didn't care if i went in or not) he says to the gatepeople "TWO DOLLARS?! that's insane! that's it just let me in i am doing a U-turn. so they let him in to turn around. does he turn? NO. he speeds up to a parking area and yells at us to get out and run to the door - i can't run. my leg is killing me. i hate him.

anyway - if you'd like to see a video of the stupid hotel - it's 3mb.

shithead then tells me to take a picture of him next to some glass case with nicholson's photo in it. i have better things to do than take his fucking photo. so i say "there's gong to be a glare...i am not taking it" meaning the flash will glare.

he then reaches up and proceeds to UNSCREW AN OVERHEAD LIGHTBULB FROM THE CEILING! and says see now no glare.

i walked away rather quickly and did not take the photo.

ex-junkie then proceeds to become some ADD infested 37 year old and runs up the stairs screaming take my picture outside!"

and goes to the balcony - RESTRICTED AREA - and runs out on it. again. i ignored him and have no photo of this.

he comes down and takes off his shirt. tells jenn he's going swimming in the pool. luckily she tells him no and he screams at her how she's telling him what to do. but we leave.

okay. so then we go to nederland to get pizza. he's all like "it's good and cheap!"

jenn then says "oh erin was really cool and bought me lunch yesterday"

(!*&@#$^: "WHAT!? what the hell did you do that for?! that place is so expensive! you shouldn't piss your money away on shit like that! i save mine. you should too! you're an asshole for taking jenn there!"

it took all i could muster NOT to leap over the pizza and fucking strangle him

he then goes on to say "you consider this a vacation!? this isn't a vacation. this is a stupid weekend you took to waste money to see her and do nothing - you won't see jenn again til you're 80 and gray."

my jaw is getting TMJ from the amount of times it has dropped all day. i couldn't even sit in the same area as him. i kept getting up to go to the bathroom. i hate him. i don't hate people i have just me. he is the first.

so then we head to a cemetery jenn has spoken of and i wanted to see (sort of. not really tops on my list but it sounded peaceful)

we get there. it's beautiful really old graves of miners, etc. john proceeds to light a cigarette. everywhere you turn there are no smoking signs because of the drought and fires.

jenn says calmly to him, "john, you can't smoke here"

john: "YOU'RE SUCKING THE LIFE OUT OF ME!!!!!"

i look at him and sputter "really fucking making me uncomfortable. thanks!"

and i walk off. stepping over rattlesnake or mole holes and trying not to get tangled in barbed wire. he goes running off. jenn goes and sits by a grave. i was fucking fuming.

so i find jenn and i tell her that i am pissed at him because he keeps putting her down adn talking to her in such a shitty way that it's really grating my nerves and that she's my friend and i can't stand seeing her being treated like this and she said "yeah i know - it's like a wake-up call to me today - i half want to leave him here'

god i wish she had.

so we go to the car. shitforbrains is there. all seething and doesn't apologize. jenn and i have to pee so we go to an old mining town that is now a gambling town - he stays in the car with the windows cracked in the parking garage - really wished that he had heat stroke.

i lost $25 in the casino but it was fun, he then yells at me for spending money - jenn spent $2...

god i wanted to say that i could buy and sell him a million times over because he's worth less than a crumpled piece of used tissue. but i didn't.

so we head back to boulder. we're speeding down the road now. we go past the mork and mindy house. once again... a drive-by photoshoot:

if you'd like to see what it really looks like....click here - got it off someone else's site.

anyway - jenn asks him where he wants to be dropped off. he replies that he wants to be let off at her house so he "can get his tools." and also "wants the tv and stereo back"

jenn: "john you gave them to me for my birthday 3 years ago. can we do this another day?"

fuckhead: "no. now."

so we're at her place. we all get out of the car. i glare at him and go inside. no goodbyes. no words. i had too many to say but i opted not to.

anyway - after all of that - jenn and i went for burritos and walked around boulder and my leg felt better.... went near the boulder library and sat near the fountain/winnie the pooh garden there and talked.

then this morning i left for home.

tired of yapping. right engine went out on my plane but all is okay. am home and happy. glad i have never dated anyone as vile as that specimen.

once again... let me reiterate that i did have a good time with jenn and that it IS gorgeous out there.