heh... a little irish humor in the midst of all this pink valentine's slop
Saddam Hussein was sitting in his office wondering whom to invade next when
his telephone rang.
"Hallo, Mr. Hussein!", a heavily accented voice said.
"This is Patrick down at the Harp Pub in County Sligo, Ireland. I am ringing
to inform you that we are officially declaring war on ya!"
Well, Patrick," Saddam replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is
your army?"
"Right now," said Patrick, after a moment's calculation, "there is meself,
me cousin Sean, me next door neighbor Seamus, and the entire dart team from the pub. That makes eight!"
Saddam paused. "I must tell you Patrick, that I have one million men in my
army waiting to move on my command."
"Begorra!", said Patrick. "I'll have to ring ya back!"
Sure enough, the next day, Patrick called again.
"Mr. Hussein, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry
equipment!"
And what equipment would that be, Patrick?" Saddam asked.
Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor."
Saddam sighed. "I must tell you, Patrick, that I have 16,000 tanks and
14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army to 1-1/2
million since we last spoke.
"Saints preserve us!" said Patrick. "I'll have to get back to ya"
Sure enough, Patrick rang again the next day.
Mr. Hussein, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne!
We've modified Harrigan's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns, and four
lads from the Shamrock Pub have joined us as well!"
Saddam was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat.
"I must tell you, Patrick, that I have 1,000 bombers and 2,000 fighter planes.
My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile
sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!"
"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!", said Patrick, "I'll have to ring ya back."
Sure enough, Patrick called again the next day.
"Top o' the mornin', Mr. Hussein! I am sorry to tell you that we have had to
call off the war."
"I'm sorry to hear that," said Saddam. "Why the sudden change?"
"Well," said Patrick, "we've all had a long chat over a bunch o' pints, and
decided there's no way we can feed two million prisoners."
