okay - so i just went to the ladies' room here at the office
disclaimer:
normally... my sh!t doesn't stink.
while in there - the janitor woman comes in and proceeds to clean the stall next to mine - no big whoop - there're only 5 stalls... but this brings me to last night...
when driving home last night, i sorta had to, eh, "use the facilities"... badly... there was the cheesequake reststop... the thought went through my head to try and make it home since i am not exactly, eh, "comfortable" using the reeeeeeally public restroom... but there were 40 miles left to my commute... and it would most likely resulted in a "side-of-the-road" emergency.
okay... so i speed into cheesequake and walk briskly into the ladies' (because if you run while holding your ass, well, it might draw attention.)
so... there i was... it was 10:35pm and not a soul was in the lavatory. there are about 75 stalls in this oasis... and the layout is like a horseshoe with a bunch of sinks in the middle...
so i walk (nearly skipping) to the back row...
alllllll by myyyyyselllllf, i wanna be allllll by myselllllllllllllllf in the john...
about 30 seconds later i hear a door slam and a bucket with wheels.... the sound draws closer...
you have to be kidding me. why the hell does the janitor have to choose this exact moment to clean the place?
whyyyyyyyy?
in my head i am saying to myself... "okay... well, you can probably make it home since it's not quite the emergency that it once was..."
in my intestines, there's a differing opinion.
so... eh... i went with my gut.
the squeeky wheels draw ever closer... come on! there's 74 other stalls... way in the front of the horseshoe!
but no.
the bucket stops in the stall next to me and i start hearing the swish of the toilet brush.
the next sound i hear is:
"Whew! Jeezuz! Whew! Pee Uuuuu!"
what the bloody hell!? that's it. my effing colon gets the hint and then the automatic toilet flusher thing starts going insane. flushes 3 times... okay, terlet - you don't have to join the janitor with the repulsive fit now.
i exit the stall.
part of me is like "effing hightail it out of there!"
yet another part is pissed (for lack of a better term with the bathroom story)
i step in front of the stall that this jackass woman is cleaning... and she looks at me with accusing eyes...
that's it. i let loose (verbally... not the other way)
"so sorry you have a problem with the odor in the bathroom... perhaps if you are disgusted then you shouldn't have chosen an occupation where you have to clean shit for a living, honey!"
and then i walked briskly out of the ladies' room before she could pummel me with a plunger.
this can be filed under the "too much info" category (and i can hear my mother groaning as we speak about my airing my dirty laundry... eh... mom... that's not laundry that's dirty)
Whatchoosayin'?? (1 yapped)
Assmates For Sure! I hate when this happens!
Posted by Jesse AKA: Dork Diddley | April 15, 2007 9:12 PM