Mattel recently announced the release of Limited-Edition Ocean County dolls for the Central NJ Market:
Mantoloking Barbie: This princess Barbie is only sold at Nordstroms in
the Freehold Mall. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade handbags,
a Lexus SUV, a long-haired dog named Honey, and a cookie-cutter house.
Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift. Workaholic Ken
sold only in conjunction with "augmented" version.
Toms River Barbie: This modern-day homemaker Barbie is available with
Ford Windstar minivan and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and
has no full time occupation or secondary education. Traffic-jamming
cell phone included, headset sold separately.
Barnegat Barbie: This recently paroled former "Porn Actress" Barbie
comes with a 9 mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a Chevy with dark tinted
windows, and a methlab kit. This model is only available after dark and
can only be paid for in cash. Preferably small, untraceable bills.
Unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you are talking about.
Bay Head Barbie: This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW
convertible or Hummer H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit
card, and country club membership. Also available for this set are
Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. You won't be able to afford any of
them.
Lakehurst Barbie: This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler
jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR shirt, and Tweety Bird tattoo on
her shoulder. She has a six-pack of Coors Light and a Hank Williams, Jr.
CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's ass when
she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate
flag bumper sticker absolutely free.
Lavallette Barbie: This collagen injected, rhinoplastic Barbie wears a
leopard print bikini outfit and drinks cosmopolitans while entertaining
friends at the McMansion. Percocet prescription available.
Brick Barbie: This gum chewing, brassy-haired Italian style Barbie has
a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the
time she chased Beer-Gut Ken out of Forked River Barbie's house. Her
ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a
see-through halter top. Also available with a mobile home, trailer,
and various accessories you can store in her front or side yard.
(***keep in mind, i am originally from manasquan!!***)
Long Beach Island Barbie: This doll is made of actual tofu. She has
long straight brown hair, archless feet, hairy armpits, no makeup, and
Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her "Willow".
She does not want or need a Ken doll, but you if purchase two Bay
Head Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag
sticker for free.
Lakewood Barbie: This Spanish-speaking-only Barbie comes with a 1984
Toyota with expired temporary plates and three baby Barbies in the
back seat, but no car seats. The optional Ken doll comes with a
paint-bucket lunch pail and is missing three fingers on his left hand.
