so the left eye is swollen. was kinda hard to put eyeliner on but I did it. am on the 7.21 train right now.
think I broke up with mike last night. here's the thing... we've been dating 3 months. seen each other once every weekend (except one weekend) since the end of july. i've been lowkey about my feelings - I mean I like him don't get me wrong, but we still don't use the "girlfriend/boyfriend" titles... and I've felt pretty long-winded saying "the guy I sorta have been seeing for 3 months kinda"... so yesterday I brought up the "so what's the deal?" query.
the odd thing is - while I like him, I didn't see a long-term future some days... then other days I could... some days I reeeeally liked him, some days I wasn't thrilled...
yet there I was on the frigging phone last night crying about "stepping the relationship up a notch"... which as I said those words I had a flashback to feb 17, 2002 when after 5 months of dating the GSB, I asked that dreaded question and it was over.
last night mike didn't say it was over... but that he wanted things to stay as they are... I AM FUCKING SICK OF GUYS WHO ARE TOO BLOODY CHICKEN TO EVEN CALL SOMEONE THEIR GIRLFRIEND.
i'm sorry but I have been up in the air about him anyway... I mean I haven't gone gaga over him... in fact I still am hung up on the RHB (which sucks in and of itself) but I wanted to see what would happen if things got a little more serious with mike... I enjoy spending time with him.. yet right now... right now I want to choke him.
so as it ended last night (late.) I got frustrated - because, really, what's the point of trying to force feelings? he was like "i still want to see you"
and perhaps it was the tired erin talking, or the frustration, or the tears, the blurry eyes, the snot-filled crying jag stuffed up nose... but I got snippy and said "that's it. whatever. i'll talk to you soon" (or something to that effect" and hung up on him. then a minute later I tried calling back to apologize and he turned his cell off (so that got me peeved)
it's not like I was in love with him... so why the hell did a tear just roll out of my eye as I am sitting here on the train?
::: plunked in on my treO:::
