so i forgot to tell y'all that on thursday i went to the podiatrist - got the name from the aetna site (*yes. stalker-alert... that's my healthcare provider for those taking notes) and i chose the doc across the street from my office... and i went there as my lunch hour (which i rarely take a full lunch hour, but whatever)
as i arrived, i was pleasantly surprised to see that the office was beautiful, light, airy, wonderful design, etc etc... and the chairs there were plush comfy ones with ottomans... wow...
so - why did i go to the foot doc the other day? remember me saying about a month ago that i stubbed my big ol' right toe (the cap'n of my foot) back in december? okay... it's still been bloody killing me, even moreso... and i'd been taping it, etc...
so i went. told the "doctor" (yes... now is when the sarcasm and bitterness and cynicism begins to unveil itself) that i am in pain, etc... i have my right foot taped up.
the idiot, pardon me, i mean "physician" says "which foot?"
*insert blank stare from gigglechick here*
"um... the right one..." and i point.
to which, i swear to god and the holy bible... the guy starts to turn his chair and then proceeds to hold his right hand up as if to make sure he realizes WHAT frigging side i meant. jeezuz... at this point my toes are curling and looking up at me like "what the funk were you thinking coming here?!"
then the guy says to me (something i already have known for years) "well, you seem to have bunions"
no effing shite, dude... but i calmly say: "yes. i know, but right now i am here for my toe."
i swear to you he said "which foot was it again?"
*insert not so blank stare, filled with "are you kidding?" pupils from me*
"the right." - slowly said in case i am dealing with Corky, MD.
and then he starts bloody talking about my left foot and it's funking bunion.
i had to swing ADD MD back to the situation at hand and say "what can you do about my toe?"
he says "oh i can take some xrays."
"then let's. thank you."
okay... so frigging xrays by this guy (asking if i am pregnant... no. thank you.) going so bloody slowly and he's like "step up on this side - is that the right foot or the left?"
i swear to god, my feet aren't mangled beyond recognition where the guy has an excuse not to realize what funking foot he's looking at... come on.
okay - so while i am waiting for the effing xrays to come back - he's got his "nurse" (what a frigging pleasant person she was) filling up a vat of water in a whirlpool thing.
eh... at this point i have 15 minutes before i have to get back to the office... and i ask "um, how long will this take? and why are we doing this?"
and she in her thick rosie perez chewing gum riddled accent says "pissical terrapy. twenny minnows"
twenny minnows!!!?? hell no. so i said "um, i really wasn't expecting all this for my toe, i just wanted to know if it's broken or not and i have to get back to work shortly"
now insert exasperated sigh from Rosie.
she returns with the nebbishy "doctor" and he says "i hear you don't want to do the whirlpool" and i explained how i have to go back to work... and then asked how the xrays were going... he said well you need physical therapy...
so he makes Rosie do ultrasound on my right foot... and then, curiously enough, my left foot... the ultrasound is supposed to make it feel better apparently, but it was just cold gel and hard metal and her FRIGGING gum snapping that was going on... and he comes back...
"how are your bunions? we'll get you fitted for some orthotics"
*insert hard stare of murderous individual here*
"excuse me? i told you i was here ONLY for my toe - it hurts... and i have to get back to work... what can you do for my toe?"
please, jesus, i swear to you, this is what he said:
"which foot hurts?"
to which i gritted my teeth and said ever so slowly and with a gutteral growl... "my. right. foot. the. big. toe."
to which he said "hmmm... um... i don't know what we can do. the xrays aren't back... let me check."
and he is gone for 4 seconds... apparently to "look at xrays" -- which he didn't even bring into my room (so i doubt seriously if he looked at them)
at this point my lunch hour is up.
he comes back with his "colleague" some other dr. who he says "will be performing your bunion surgery"
WHAT!?@!?
at this point - not trying to lose it, because the night before i had seen the seinfeld episode where elaine is blackballed by every doctor in the city for "being difficult" - i say:
"please stop focusing on my bunions. i stubbed my toe two months ago. came here for your help. haven't gotten any. please focus on the toe" and i waggled my right foot so i would not have to funking kill him if he asked which foot.
his colleague leaves.
he goes out into the hall. then comes back in and says "you're all set, you can go"
"no. i am not all set. what about my toe?"
"um... hmmmm... i really don't know"
i ask: "can you at least wrap it or something??"
to which he actually says: "oh! that's a good idea!!"
my brain is on the verge of having an aneurysm...
he goes out into the hall and i hear him ask the nurse for a "surgical boot"
he comes back in and i ask, "eh... did i just here you say you are putting me in a surgical boot?"
"well, yes."
"no."
"don't worry... it's free" he says...
"i really don't care. i want my foot wrapped and need to get out of here - in fact, don't even wrap it. nevermind"
but he starts to frigging wrap my foot... it's not supporting my toe at all, nothing - it's wrapped around my frigging bunion and at this point - whatever. i needed to get back to work. and then he starts putting this big black "resting boot" on me and then explaining about the arch support, etc and i interrupt him.
"i have to go"
and he says "i want you to make an appointment for next week for the physical therapy on your bunions"
i nod, pay my co-pay and the receptionist asks me when i want to schedule my appointment for and i say - i swear to you:
"what day next week will the coldest day in Hell fall on?"
and she starts flipping thru the calendar and i hobbled out in my big effing "resting boot"
my toe still frigging is killing me.
