... why my body rejects diet food.
well, i went to dunkin donuts this morning. and as i was perusing the menu, i noticed a "dunkin donuts latte lite combo"!!
(lite latte with a bagel with lite cream cheese)
i, thinking that this would be in my best interest, ordered it.
as i arrived home, i headed upstairs to my office [okay, my bedroom] i set the cupholder they provide down on my desk and as i sat down, my girls, being a hearty lot, apparently got caught on the tray.
the tray, only having the medium lite latte and a wrapped lite bagel sitting on it, proceeded to flip over....
keep in mind, this is all happening in slo-motion [as everything that is terrible seems to do]
the lite latte - being different from my usual xl coffee with milk - only had a top that had a hole in it, rather than the DD regular coffee lid which is a Temple of Doom entryway where you have to flip things and latch things to have it remain open.
the lite latte lid apparently allows for all 16 ounces of beverage to shoot out with rapid speed.
how do i know this? well, my left girl - still in slo-motion - was still caught on the flipped tray as the lite latte attempted its own money shot on it.
i actually felt my right breasticle jump even further to the right where it hid under my armpit out of harm's way.
my left boob - and i've never heard this before, but i swear it happened - well, she emitted a noise that registered in my cerebelum as a scream. Can you hear them, Clarice?
for some reason i just stared at the horror before me. my white shirt looked as if it was in some sort of Juan Valdez Spring Break Wet T-Shirt Contest and, Lefty, was still screaming....
all of a sudden the film speed caught up and i wound up grabbing my girl like a baby rescued from a burning house and shoved it under cold water in the sink [yes. this is quite a feat. the shower would've been a tad smarter]
she's injured. mainly her pride... she's basically just looking like she didn't put spf 45 on while hanging out on the sun.
stupid lite latte.