DISCLAIMER: I already asked for permission from the reinstated ShrubBoy™ to discuss this episode on my site. So, don't worry about this and don't give me guff for posting...
Okay... let me rewind a tad. Last Saturday, the 5th, ShrubBoy™ were out on another date... hmmm.. wait, let me rewind even further - before he guest-blogged last friday.
First off, are you sitting down comfortably? Have you a soda or beverage of choice in hand? Snack? This may be a somewhat long post - maybe. Not sure, because my allergies are acting up and causing me to be quite lethargic.
Alright. Last Friday, the 3rd, SB™ gets down from North Jersey (okay, technically, he's a Benny... sans accent - so he's one of those Bennys who walks amongst us without being totally obvious.) His drive is about 1.5 hours. Now, knowing that the drive is hellish after hanging out the previous week, he acquired a hotel room at the Horrible Lights, erm, I mean Harbor Lights Motel. He gets there after spending hours in traffic and just as they hand him the key to his room, 3 firetrucks pull up.
Yes. The motel was on fire.
FIRE. you read it correctly.
[let me interrupt my story once again... my mom's condo is not, eh, really condusive to having guests spend the night. come on people, if you've been reading a while, you know that I am a slob. Hence, sorry, no vacancy.]
Okay, the fire was only upstairs, his room was left unscathed. Although, if room #19 was set afire, it may very well have made the place liveable.
Holy crap, what a dump. I felt reeeeeeeeally reeeeeeeally bad about him staying there - the place stank. yes. "stank".
Moving on... he brought me Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Beans, Spam, Spam, Spam
yes. cans of Spam. One can of beans.
brilliant (oh, and lilies)
But he brought Roger last week, so the name ShrubBoy™ will stay.
blah blah blah - we went out. had great time. got all mushy and kissyfacey (you read that post). then I dropped him back off at his motel. I drove because he'd been driving for hours and also, this is my territory.
SO. Dropped him at the motel, goodnight, goodnight, call you in the morning.
*rooster crows* okay, for me, the rooster crowed at 10am. He's a heavy sleeper.
I call him - maybe to do breakfast or to see if the room caught fire.
He slept in his car. In the parking lot. Because the room was so terrible (seriously, it was bad.)
The thing about sleeping in one's car when one has had a beverage or two.... one might half turn on the ignition so one get's A/C. One also might fall asleep and wake up to a dead battery.
I was speaking to the One.
Okay, so Phooka has some sort of case around his battery, I've tried to jump people (their cars you sick bastards!) previously and couldn't, so I busted out Mr. T (my cavalier that i gave to gigglemom - yet she hasn't driven since before her bypass in March.) and went over and got the car started and we went to breakfast
Now.... here's the thing. Here's where I got weird and in my head all i was saying to myself all day was "what the hell, why are you being a bitch?"
Yes. I was being a bitch. I know, I know... it's hard to believe... Moi. Biotch. Never happens. *cough*
I think I was just annoyed that he was paying me too many compliments and "giving me the Bum's Rush" and I, not having dated in a year, didn't feel they were warranted or true.
Gee, Erin, yeah, the guy sounds like a jerk. Let's list the cons:
• Compliments you WAY too much. What a jerk.
• Drives an hour and a half to see you
• Gets himself a room in a crap place to see you more
• brings you shrubbery and spam
• overtips bartenders that you know
• has a vocabulary and a head on his shoulders
Okay, wow that is a LOT of cons. What a prick.
Anyway... where was I? Oh, I was annoyed and in a funk - think i was feeling guilty about him staying in the craphole place and then having his car die and I had to go to a neighbours BBQ that afternoon and didn't invite him (too soon)
So anyway - that night I pick him up and we go to the Fireman's Fair in 'squan. All's fine... well, except for my being a complete bitch. I had had a couple of rough emails sent to me by a client right before I went out and so that compounded my mood.
So, ShrubBoy™ was being all nice and consoling with the "but you work so hard and that's awful and blah blah blah" --- and instead of leaning into the shoulder he was offering to me, I just wanted to rip his throat out (much like, and no offense, my dears, but sometimes when I write on here brief items like "i've got the sniffles", It for some reason bothers the hell out of me to get 45 "get well" and "awwwwwwww" comments - yeah, i dunno. it just does... by the way... my allergies are still killing me... sniffling like crazy here.)
so, getting back to the date - fireman's fair - we were verrrrrry quiet - i just was agitated and I guess he could feel it. of course, we DID kick ass on the Tilt-a-whirl... seriously. good stuff. nearly threw up, it was awesome!
Okay, Fireman's Fair. Done. then we leave, go drive around, walk the Spring Lake Boardwalk in painful silence.
I am fast forwarding here because my fingers are hurting.
Then we decide - at like 11:pm - that it's time to drop him back at the motel.
Painful. SIlent drive.
At some point, I think I was the one who started to blather about not being ready for so many compliments and how I do like him, but how he seems gaga and all this BS... Fast forward (sorry, not giving the transcript of the conversation) --- basically at around 1am we - I THOUGHT - had worked it out in my car where we would chill a little bit - not NOT date, but just, i'm used to the "thrill of the chase" which seems to have ended quickly, and ease into the barrage of compliments, etc etc and take it from there (because the compliments make me uncomfortable - i am used to guys i date mocking me... oh yes, and we all know how well THOSE relationships turned out)
so, after much discussion saturday night into sunday wee hours, it seemed to have been resolved.
Sunday, Monday & Tuesday, not many emails were shot back and forth (see we don't really chat on the phone... which i am cool with)
Wednesday seemed normal, he sent me a monty python fish slapping video and that was sweet
then wednesday night [KEEP IN MIND WEDNESDAY, THE 9th, WAS A FULL MOON] i receive THIS email at about 6pm:
Following up on our discussion in Phooka last Saturday eve, I once again must say just how baffling and almost frightening our commonalities are. This whole discovery period has almost resembled a Tsunami (well, except for Saturday pre-discussion). Seems as if we are Lego's in a multitude of ways. I felt so amazingly at ease with you that, well...I'm reminded of some old Morrissey lyrics; "Drank too much and I said too much and there's nowhere to go but down." My unfortunate candor did compromise much and for that I am very sorry. Another fine mess I've gotten myself into. It seems as if this was all too much, too soon. I know that a connection such as this was UTTERLY unexpected by me and thus I did not handle it as well as I should have. Perhaps it would be best to undertake a respite at this point (I'm sure you're thinking the same) and possibly explore things again in the future. Thank you for providing me with memories that I will hold dear for the remainder of my days.Keep flashing that killer smile and wit, kiddo.
whoa.
what? ess'cuze me?!!?
oh hell no he di'in't!!
(i don't know why i turned into an angry african-american woman at that point)
okay.... here's the deal. I was pissed. NOT at the fact that he just basically broke up with me (yes, i was a tad hurt)... i was peeved SOMEWHAT at the fact that he sent it via email, rather than phone.....
BUT... oh, here's where my feathers were ruffled and the irish was up....
"RESPITE"?!!??!?! respite!!!???
HOW DARE HE USE A WORD THAT I WAS SO UNFAMILIAR WITH I HAD TO LOOK IT UP IN THE DICTIONARY BEFORE UNDERSTANDING THE FULL DEPTH OF THIS EMAIL
respite.
oh, you don't understand how livid i was. effing full moon. so i shot him an email back - being somewhat nice yet cold.
no response.
hmmmm so i shot him another one - a little peevishness could be felt in the words.
no response.
what the? okay, that's it, here's another one, slightly longer and a tad sassy
nothing.
tried calling. no answer.
feck. dammit.
sent another email. this time, only slight sass, more bitch (but not full-fledged guns blazing bitch - those are reserved)
nothing. nada. zilch in the inbox.
so, i proceed to forward the email to my friends with a WTF!? message.
I shout on here about it being short-lived.
I stomp around the house like a crazy person under the spell of a full moon yelling "RESPITE!?!!? are you fucking kidding me?~?! it's a fucking break!!!! talk like a normal human!!? respite. fuck your respite!!"
yes. you can ask gigglemom.
yet. gigglemom floored me by saying "you don't know what a repite is? it's a short break. his email wasn't that bad, why are you acting like this?"
great. gigglemom's in his corner. swell.
fine.
be like that.
i went to bed.
i wake up and he has answered my emails at 8am --- what the hell!!?!? he's JUST READING THEM NOW!!!!???
okay.... let me say, that we had some emails, and we worked things out and he's very cool....
BUT A WORD OF WARNING TO ALL MEN OUT THERE...
first... Check the Lunar Calendar
2. If you do plan on sending an email saying you need a "respite" (or in layman's terms, a break) and you send it at 6pm on the night of a full frigging moon, WAIT ABOUT AN HOUR to see if you receive a response...
DO NOT send the email off and then shut your computer down for 13 hours to watch teevee and sleep.
seriously. word of wisdom. just trying to give you a tip.
in any event. the Shrub and I are fine thus far. Next weekend, we're going out with friends from where I used to work and going to the Ren Faire in NY... to mock. yes, I will don a rented costume... but photos will be had.
Anyway... I have to run, have been fasting all night because I have to get prolactin and TSH levels checked to see if my thyroid is effed (i had the test last year if you remember and all was well... but new doc wants another test)
then tonight, i am heading to the Arts Center with my friend Jude to see the Counting Crows (last minute plans)
Okay...
hey.... um..... are you awake??? I know this was long and all, but, sheesh....
