okay so i am just going to start blathering a bit right now since it's about 1:30am... and i am only a few days into my big brother withdrawal. i've been depressed. yes. me. go figure. i don't think i am going to chop this up into bite-sized paragraphs at the moment either because it's just too exhausting to hit the enter key. blah blah blah... anyway... still chunky... and when i say "chunky" i mean "70 pounds overweight" -- after the trip to boston i stopped walking or working out - i don't know why. just "'cause". okay maybe the teevee addiction had something to do with it. of course, i've been just "not into" anything lately. exercise, cleaning (well, when have i ever been into that? but still, it's bad right now) going out - really it was a struggle to force myself to go out last weekend... it's been a pain in the ass to get motivated with work too... which is NOT good at all because i love this crap... and i've had a client waiting for a site for a couple of months and i've been blocked artistically. i mean she likes what i've shown her, but i haven't and i am not feeling inspired with the site. she's a great comic and everything... i don't know if i just think she's really cool and that's what's causing this fear with my design or what. i have a deadline of october 15th now... and it's creeping up on me. this is a horrible block of a paragraph. i hate when people don't chop the frigging post up into easy to digest entries... yet, here i am doing so. frig. in any event... i think i need to exercise to try and get the adrenaline and endorphins back into gear. one thing about kinda feeling like this is, well, i'm pretty sure that's one reason why i haven't been posting that much on here. actually i talk on here more than i've chatted with my oldest friends. jenn out in colorado has called me so many times and i always get her voicemail, but, then i know that it's going to be an hour conversation on the phone and for some reason i am just really not feeling that yappy... original RHB i want to talk to you but i've been so blah lately and not up for phone or even email... seriously, shumpy also probably has noticed that i haven't been bantering in my positive quote of the day emails he and i toss back and forth... and cathy, well, after not going up to maine this june and then i had plans to go to a minor league baseball game with her in august but that turned out to be 3 days before my dad's surgery.... and i had an obligation to help my dad with errands and chores before he went under the knife. --- WHICH, i was yapping with him earlier (funnily enough, the one person i've been yapping with on the phone a lot has been my dad... well, and my step mother... so that's been nice) --- i've been trying to focus on work but also trying not to feel burnt out which i'd been feeling, so rather than working pretty much all hours of the night, i'm trying to wean clients down to me having somewhat normal hours... it's not working... where was i? oh, right... DAD.. he went to the doctor today and had a good check up. the titanium hip is swell. i barely went out the entire summer... i think like 3 times out with friends (not counting boston). i think in my head i keep thinking "well, think of yourself in a cocoon and you're trying to lose weight and you're re-emerge when you've lost weight"... the thing is, i've been eating crap for meals... so, at this rate, the only way i am re-emerging is for Biggest Loser tryouts... anyway... if anyone out there has been wondering why i've kinda been holed up in here, well, you're right, i have been. it's horrible. hey isn't this a happy go lucky post? cripes? besides the effing huge block of words, i am now sounding insane.... okay okay i'll give you that, i mean MORE insane than usual.
i think i might need to go to bed.
okay. on an UP note, i DID go out last weekend and i bought new walking sneakers (or athletic shoes as some folks call 'em)
and shorts - but i think i need to go and get sweatpants because the glow from my pasty thighs is ridiculous.
i'm hitting the enter key. thank God.
i know i need to work out. i have to make time for myself to do that. the 70 year old woman, Pat, who walks around the complex every morning has been looking for me. I think i need to head to the boardwalk to wakl for a bit (not at the moment, are you crazy? it's almost 2am)
There's some junk food special on CNN this weekend... seeing as my diet consists of McD's, Wendy's, Taco Bell, Outback and the local country store's bacon & egg sammiches, i'll probably record that special... my brain is probably loaded with 98% grease and that's why i'm feeling like a slug.
oh... and i'm still sleeping on the couch downstairs... albeit the new couch from when my aunt & uncle moved... THAT makes me sad too... that half my family's moved to florida.
okay, granted, easier to visit since there're relatives there, but still.
ah hell... maybe i'll set my alarm for 7am to get up and walk.
Whatchoosayin'?? (5 yapped)
I am not sure what brought me to your site or even what drove me to check out this blog. I wonder if I was not meant to read this post and feel that I had something to offer. I too am over weight and have been putting other things and people ahead of my own health. I made a choice after reading an article in the paper about a group of people that had been passed over to be on The Biggest Loser. They formed an online support group and one girl has lost 80 lbs since the beginning of this year. They are a tell it like it is, while being completely supportive type of group. You should check it out. www.realityofweighting.com You are the only one that can make YOU a priority.
Posted by Hollie | October 2, 2007 4:23 PM
oh erin- dont do this to yourself. find a good therapist its good to talk things out with some one not emotionally involved with you. get off the prozac. meds should be a last resort. get your room organized to livable and get proper bed rest. you are talented enough to have the luxury of working at home so make lots of time for fresh air. you can be to many beaches in like 15 minutes. breath that salt air as much as you can. let the waves calm you. the bennies are gone this is the best time. when you stop worrying about all the crazy diets and poop pills you will do so much better. you should feel good about yourself you are a very pretty talented funny soul. catch yourself now before you fall into an abyss. i know ive been there a few times myself. sending good thoughts your way.
Posted by karen | September 21, 2007 12:41 PM
Well, it sounds like you've had a lot going on lately. It's easy to let life "get in the way" and stop doing things for yourself. Anyhow, you realize you need to make a change - just MAKE YOURSELF do it. We all know you can. Maybe the prozac needs to be changed, maybe you just need to make yourself go out and walk. Don't just let yourself sit in the house, it will take over and just be harder and harder to go. Once you take that first step it will get easier. You obviously still have your sense of humor - that's more than half the battle! You're way too strong to be down too long.
Posted by Tillie | September 21, 2007 10:28 AM
:(
Hugs to you...
Posted by Elle | September 21, 2007 8:59 AM
Hey Erin...
Sounds like classic depression, to me.
Check out this article I wrote on the subject:
http://www.gather.com/viewArticle.jsp?articleId=281474977122711
While you're there, you might consider joining the site. It's a good resource for writers looking for inspiration and spark. It's also good for finding info on just about every topic.
Good luck, hon!
Posted by CA | September 21, 2007 8:47 AM