love of my life is...fricking married...

April 8th, 2001

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i am exhilarated... i am rejuvenated... i am exhausted...

this was the weekend, pumpkins... my back to back cowboy mouth shows... okay okay most of you guys are probably saying 'hey, erin, honey... give it up... you are 30 going on 31'

(june 21st...remember... i like presents... oh heck, maybe just a cheesy birthday email is fine...)

anyway you are thinking i am a big crazy ass groupie or something to that effect... i just like to think of myself as a grass roots promoter... yes, those of you who know me have heard me yap yap yap about 'the boys', 'the mouth', 'CM'. 'fred, paul, rob and griff'

and i am not gonna stop yapping. this MIGHT drive some of you away, but for those that i have dragged to a show, you understand now... DON'T YOU?

okay...getting down to bizness...

friday night cathy and i went - we were front and center for the entire show... had fred's sweat flinging at us and got to gag at the sight of his slobber... but that's okay... had a BLAST!...

saturday i had made plans a month or so ago to go with some guy i was seeing, but those plans fell through... just as well... i had an extra ticket...

so i went by myself... which i wasn't REALLY by myself.. over the past 7 or 8 years of seeing these guys i have met many folks in the crowd and they are always there to see them in nyc...

so i hung out with david and KEITH (uppercase letters.) and then saw todd and his friends for a bit afterward...

the show was AMAZING!!!

what made it better was the fact that as i was going to the bar to get a bottle of water (i had 17 bottles on friday and 6 on saturday... minute details... whatever...those tidbits are for my stalker friends out there... you're welcome)

i walked right into my exboyfriend steve. now let me give you a bit of a background about this guy. i dated him back in 1995 for a few months and for some ungodly reason i was absolutely smitten with him.

i met him at leggett's on april 4th and ironically enough our first date was april 7th. we were goofy together... i took him to see the mouth for the first time, and we would walk the streets of nyc singing 'someone left the cake out in the rain' and for some reason he was my muse and i wrote 34 poems about him.

the first thing he ever said to me was 'we'll always have paris' - hence the cheesy little unrhyming thing i posted on my site.

okay, so getting back to the show... i bump into him and am floored. i hadn't seen him in years... he's married now, my cousin is friends with his wife and was in the bridal party. kit and steve started dating right after we parted (or before) but i didn't expect him here. he came up from the shore. with her. and i was stricken. (in my head the words reeled "Smile, Look like you are Great! make him KNOW that you are just so damn happy to see him and even happier you never wound up with him!" )

and so the small talk ensued... hey how are you? give me a hug - what have you been up to? not much. who are you here with? kit? - yeah she's upstairs - what have you been up to erin? - oh not much, just working in the city, living in jersey city, hanging out and doing my stand up - you do stand up now? - yes - wow...that's great - do you have a card? - yes here you go - great! ok well, oh, i better get upstairs i am getting old and can't jump around down there anymore -ok, steve, great seeing you, give me another hug!

and then i watched him climb the staircase. to her.

and i was a bit shaken.. you know the feeling... and i am fine when i see ex's... and i am ok when i see them with their wives... but this one was different.

he was THE ONE... no not THAT one...he was THE ONE that was all wrong for me in so many different ways, and i knew it, but he was goofy. he was just like me...

i am reading a 'poem' or thought that i had on 05.25.95 about him (yes it is silliness, i know... and it's even sillier for me to be posting my laundry on my site, but i don't care... it's therapeutic.)

'you tell me over french dip, i am the only person you've met who is exactly like you.

i know. this is the first time i have loved myself and you are it. it scares the hell out of me. you are my other half - the one i was split from since the beginning of time.

soulmates. a ridiculous notion, yet here you are eating french dip.'

okay, so i wasn't exactly elizabeth barrett browning at age 25.

whatever. 'twas crap from my heart.

i don't think shakespeare knew how to incorporate French Dip into his work.

BACK TO TALKING ABOUT COWBOY MOUTH (before i start reading all my old crap and start to cry :)

so as i said... seeing the EX made the show BETTER... 'better???" you say... yes. because it made me release all pent up energy and anger and rage and emotion and i actually shook when i screamed. it was the most wonderful feeling. and as they say... isn't it GREAT TO BE ALIVE!?!?!?!?!?!? yes. yes it is my darlin'

so after the show, i hung out with todd and his pals... and fred came out and i said hey and he said 'you cut your hair, darlin' (*sigh - most people i see every day didn't notice i cut it) and he asked me how my stand up was going and i haven't lined any dates up lately because work is starting to get a bit busy and since the comedy doesn't pay... well... i am not losing my job to go stand up in front of folks for 5 minutes and have to bring 5 friends that have to pay 10 dollars plus a drink minimum, JUST so i can have a free beer...

cripes, poppets, it's late, i have a meeting in the morning...

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