problems of the heart....

May 3rd, 2001

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well, isn't this the cat's pajamas? (what am i... turning 89?)

my mom had a CT scan on saturday - complete with dye and barium, or something disgusting to drink - and she got the results back yesterday.

she just so happens to have a 5cm abdominal aortic aneurysm (AAA).

(HAHA... oh so funny... welcome to gigglechick.com folks where i write the most depressing crap in my life sometimes. -- sorry, just purging my brain so i don't let it build up inside of me to cause my OWN aneurysm. this sucks. to put it bluntly.)

so my mom, who is 61, smokes 4 packs of True Menthol cigarettes a day, is a bit overweight, lives alone, and is going to have to have surgery on this gawdawful thing...

here's an ironic tidbit... my uncle val is having the SAME EXACT procedure this coming thursday - may 10th. and my poppy had an aneurysm too (not what killed him - that was bladder cancer folks... main cause for that: smoking) apparently, what i am learning from reading all this stuff is... it's hereditary... but here's something that's in my favor down the road... i am the only one out of them (poppy, mom, uncle val) that doesn't smoke.

gee. i just love cigarettes. i never smoked yet grew up having nicotine fits from 8 - 17 years old. my dog - who lives with her - is the only nicotine stained dalamation i know of... instead of calling him Archie, i am tempted to change his name to Filter.

my mom just started zyban... and the patch... and is still smoking... hopefully the zyban will kick in... mom isn't lying on her back anywhere right now... i mean she's up and about and going to work each day... but still...

i am in shock from this mom news. that beginning stage where you think 'hey, she'll pull through'. but that is wearing off. other questions are starting to pop up in my head...

what if she doesn't? how long will i have to live down there to take care of her? what will i do about the dogs after i come back home (see, Archie is a 110lb dalamation, and Beri is a cracksmoking Yorkshire Terrier who LOVES to run around like a jackass and then jump onto my mom's stomach - yeah that'll be swell for her post-op)? what are the complications of this stinking operation? etc. etc.

i am researching this disease and the death rate is 50% -- oh yeah, things are just looking peachy. should i keep reading? or shall i just be ignorant and not come up with questions for the doctors? should we go through jersey shore medical center? or deborah heart and lung?

sorry, this rant is mainly for my own benefit, don't mean to bore you or anything, just don't want it to build up inside me to the point where i become Holly Hunter's character in Broadcast News and cry everyday at 4pm.

my parents are divorced (after a 12 year separation - but THAT is an entirely different story... entire family is a bunch of procrastinators) so my dad and mom don't live together... they get along well though and even though it takes my dad a week to 2 months to tell me about the serious stuff he has had medically, he wants me to let me know what exactly is going on with mom, so that is actually comforting...

but that still leaves me as an only child (i KNEW there was a good reason i wanted a brother when i was 5) - yes i am starting to do this self pity bellyaching only child crap. i gotta snap out of that. i do have my cousins and aunt to talk to (as well as friends, but they have their own family stuff and i don't want to bother anyone with mine... gee, that doesn't sound goofy does it?)

so i rant. or blog or whatever you want to call it on here.

another thing that is wrenching my brain... work. i found out we can take off for family sick leave... but it's unpaid... i do have vacation time coming, so i suppose i will use that...

am i whining? yes. i am starting to actually feel guilty for living up north here... no car - no immediate way to get the hell down the shore ASAP. only the stinking train. why did i scrap my car when i moved up here? arrrgh.

as much as my mom and i fight (oh, yes. we growl something fierce) i love her to pieces - and perhaps we are too close -that might be another side effect of the only child syndrome... all her focus is on me... so we talk a few times a day --- yes. i said a few. yes, i KNOW that's a bit much. we are more friends than mom/daughter -- well, no, maybe just as equal... i dunno.. i am rambling incoherently right now and my mind is racing about a million miles a minute trying to answer any or all questions about this whole deal... guess i gotta deal with one thing at a time...

first step... choosing a vascular surgeon. mom's general doctor guy was SUPPOSED to refer her to someone, but all he wound up doing was looking in her insurance book. so i researched and found 1 MD he is at jersey shore medical center -- Dr. Frank Sharp -- anyone ever hear of him??? and the other is deborah heart & lung center as i said before...

poppy had his quadruple bypass there... back in 95 i think. and they were great...

anyone still reading this far ??? thank you!

well... i have to go do more research and freak myself out some more about this... then tonight i have to go to radio city music hall to see David Gray . yes. i am missing survivor. yes. i learned how to tape on my vcr. no i do not want to know who wins before i see the tape. yes, i will probably find out who won on the PATH train on the way home.

(( 2:05AM - um... apparently one has to set something to ep or sp to get the gawdamn vcr to tape longer than 2 hours?

so i was able to see 8 minutes BEFORE survivor and 1:52 minutes OF SURVIVOR... did i see who the hell WON or what was said to them?!?!?!?! no. i found out online AFTER that it was Tina... but i wanted to hear the evil bloodbath of speeches. dammit.

i hate vcr's once again... grrrrr that is all, i am heading off to bed.. ))

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