I went to Reiki for the second time and it was amazing! Not going to get all into it – but, I told her NOTHING about what was going on with me — she wound up focusing on my left knee (hello. that’s the bad knee) and then my throat chakra (hey I have been having a creative block with expressing myself with this one web design) and then my abdomen she kept coming back to – 5 times – she said there was a lot of energy going on there and that she was like “I wonder if she’s pregnant?” —- then afterwards, I told her that I am getting my “friend” today. She said “THAT will do it.”
So my intentions that I was focusing on were Abundance, Love and Perfect Health…
As I was paying at the receptionist, they asked how I did during my session and I said great and that I’m pretty sure my creative blockage was lifted. They asked me what I do for a living. I told them. They looked at each other and then asked if I had a card because they are looking for a new web designer. yes. *boom* there’s my card.
Then I went to my car… turned my phone back on and my phone reads my texts out loud.
I burst into tears — NOT because it said “low balance” BUT because PNC Bank was Gigglemom’s bank… and October 14th is Gigglemom’s Birthday….
I went home – checked the calendar — The last time that October 14th fell on a Friday was in 2011 — that was her last birthday alive.
Here’s the thing — I’ve gotten texts from PNC Bank about her balance regularly – the last being a week ago… and it read “July 10th”
This was Gigglemom sending me a message.
Okay… and then I was on the phone with one of my clients about 45 minutes ago and he said that he wants me to design a website for someone else that he’ll pay me for.
and THEN the mailman came with a check that I had not been expecting.
#Abundance #Amazing #ReikiShare on Facebook
Alright! Once again, I’ve realized that it’s time to whittle the body down. I’ve been paying $50+ per month at the local gym for the past year and a half and have gone twice – once being when I signed up. Over this blizzardy winter here in Jersey, I took the opportunity to become a sloth-like hermit with a gluttony issue… and gained 25+ pounds.
On June 3rd, 2014 — I hit my chart-topping weight of 248.2 — awesome.
This has resulted in my knees (mostly my left one) going on strike and growling at me for months.
Soooooooo… rather than ease my way into things, I’ve joined the local CrossFit (JSA CrossFit in Manasquan) and am going to kick my fat’s ass…
Yes, I’ve heard the Anti-CrossFit arguments… I know that there’s a chance that I could get hurt… That’s only if I am not listening to my body. Believe me, I am not delusional and thinking that I am going to be lifting 300 pounds and doing 1000 squats right off the bat (if ever.)
In fact, JSA is a “teaching” box — so I will be learning the proper way to do stuff and not trying to become some sort of machine (yet.)
There were around 11 or 12 people in the class I was in. Allllllll different levels, from me (Sloth/Slug/Modified) to athletic monster powerhouses (In my opinion.)
Day 1 – CrossFit 10 minutes Did 4 rounds + 15 of:
5 air squats 5 pull up ring row things 5 deadlifts with 15 lb kettle bell 5 sit ups with the ab pad thing 5 push lifts with weighted pvc bar 5 wall push ups
They told me to skip the box today and just walk and hydrate – so at 7:30am I woke up (what?!?!) and walked a mile with gigglepup.
I’m pretty psyched — last year I was kicking ass on my own with Insanity at home for 3 months (until I went out for my birthday, was hungover for a week and just couldn’t get back into the swing of things) — so this will get me really focused, out of the house, meeting people, de-hermitizing myself and getting back in shape!
Below is my WOD — which was a modified “Pheezy” Hero WOD — the others in the class had 20 minutes to do some crazy unmodified stuff…
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more poetry. this was 1991. Junior year of college.
the motor’s running they screamed i didn’t care i was in my own world where only i was important quite a change hurry up dammit they cried i didn’t care they weren’t in my world this place catered to me all i had to do was sit and eat mallomars we’re late they bellowed i didn’t care i was listening to my personal choir sing me lullabies and hush me to sleep you are so slow they said as their headsbegan to shake their way into my world their fingers pointed at me through the breaking mist their steps broke the boundaries between my world and theirs they grabbed my arms and dragged me out out of my imagination they looked back and spat on my dreams
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hah I was going through some of my poetry from around 20+ years ago… man I was fucked up… here’s one I wrote when I was in college around 1990
she talks to herself the conversation is becoming quite intense. a fight has erupted. violence. she’s beating herself up – mentally. blaming herself for things in the past. torturing herself for what’s happening presently. assuming the worst will happen in the future. yet the worst is actually taking place as she speaks. she is an enemy of herself. breaking down what is left of her brittle shell of self-love. fighting all that is left of her esteem. mentally kicking herself in the gut. feeling wretched about her life, wretched enough to vomit. it’s a circle, a never-ending spiral plummeting towards Hell. or is this hell? nothing could be worse than hating yourself. not giving yourself a chance to be forgiven.
it is hell.
feeling as if you are on this planet just standing watching others succeed. watching everything you do crumble before your eyes. paranoia sets in and everyone is against you, laughing and sneering ridiculing you. you take it to heart and the cycle continues as you go against yourself. the same words said by others are now being repeated over and over by the one person i am afraid of – by the one i don’t want to disappoint – by the one and only person i believe –
-epbShare on Facebook
Well, last night I was awake along with my brain until 5am (perhaps I should correct myself and say “this morning” instead) — some time around 2am, I was laying in bed & gigglepup was sleeping and was breathing in a way that made me actually look over to see if it was Gigglemom in the room. Yeah. It was that similar… and you know how ghosts like to play tricks… anyway, it was just the dog.
So that, coupled with the fact that I kinda haven’t had enough cash to get my refill on my Lexapro since Wednesday sort of put my noggin into overdrive with the racing thoughts.
Yay. I knew I should’ve taken my cherry-flavored nyQuil before I went to sleep so I wouldn’t have to deal with that stuff.
So what was the topic of worry that kept me awake?
Death. not others… but my own. Not so much being afraid of death, but having a lack of organization…
1. Hey. Still single. No kids. Just have my gigglepup.
My Aunt Toni is my emergency contact… I should probably mention to her that I want to be cremated… That is, if my body is found and Gpup hasn’t devoured me already.
2. I work for myself… I am worried for my clients
So there’s no IT person to crack a code or another designer to pick up the slack if anything – God Forbid – ever happens to me.
Yes, all of my clients have their passwords and everything, but, they don’t have all of the original files for photoshop, dreamweaver, illustrator, etc. (the ones that I’ve started doing stuff in WPress are a little luckier…)
Not for nothing (and Aunt Toni, if you’re reading this, don’t be offended, but you know you really aren’t totally computer savvy so I think I need to have someone else handle the techie part of my death — NOT THAT I AM PLANNING ON DYING — just listing all the crap that was buzzing in my head in the wee hours of the morning) — I think I will need to have my external hard drive sent to either the manager of one of my main clients or I need to talk to one of my trustworthy computer friends to confiscate this stuff and I’ll have an envelope with instructions and contact info… OR I will have envelopes for clients with a recommendation of another great web person…
See? Told ya’ this shit was crazy-sounding!
3. I don’t have a Will… or a Living Will.
It’s really not necessary… I don’t have a house… I don’t have a bank account overflowing with cash (UNTIL later tonight when I win the Powerball… fuck… I swear to God, if that “Isn’t It Ironic” song comes true, I will be pissed.)
Okay… WHEN I win the Powerball, I will draft up a Will. In the meantime, eh, Aunt Toni, enjoy my couch and my MINI Cooper. Also, I’ve gotta tell people about my storage unit…
Around 4am was when I was thinking to myself… “how will I get the proper storage unit code and key information to them?” — okay, yeah, now that I’ve slept, it’s pretty much a no-brainer and I can just write the crap down and make a spare key — or better yet, I need to clean that unit out anyway and stop paying the $50/month for it.
As far as a Living Will – I should probably get one of those drawn up… I saw how important that was with Gigglemom. All I know is (since I haven’t won the Powerball YET) that I am cool with being a DNR.
4. Gigglepup won’t have a mom.
That’s the one thing that I’ve already discussed and lined up… Giggleneighbor upstairs is her Godmother and she & GPup get along like peas and carrots… so, no worries there.
5. That’s about it.
Around 4:45am I DID wind up taking a swig of the cherry-flavored nyQuil so it kinda shut this crap up in my head and I didn’t delve into it any more until I started writing it here.
So basically, the main thing I am worried about is making sure my clients are set & secure with stuff for their websites.
AGAIN… I am not planning on kicking the bucket, taking a dirt nap or pinin’ for the fjords.
I really need to get my Lexapro refilled though.
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Barbara Walters is delusional. (yes. I am watching @TheViewtv *hanging my head in shame*) she just said “I’ve been with Woody Allen many times with his two daughters from his marriage to Soon-Yi. it’s a solid marriage. he has two girls. I have rarely seen a father as sensitive and as loving and as caring as he is with these two girls. I can not tell you about Dylan, I can only tell you what I have seen now and that it’s a good marriage and he’s a loving sensitive father. and Dylan is doing this now because he is up for an award.” um… Babs…. you do realize that people can do fucked up things behind closed doors, right? #STFU
Then when they came back from commercial, she said that the molestation was investigated years ago and that they didn’t find any evidence and that there should be a period on the end of that topic.
eh… I guess as an “investigative journalist” she doesn’t know that there’s a chance that someone was paid off to not find anything conclusive, right?Share on Facebook
Well. it’s been a few years since I blogged about the Superbowl Commercials on gigglechick.com… so forgive me if I seem rusty (blame Facebook. I fell into a lazy — or not so lazy — rut of just posting statuses… statii incessantly. )
Okay so I will be updating this post over the course of the game.
National Anthem – Renee Fleming… Opera… beautiful.
NOAH — Russell Crowe & Hermione movie…
Mountain Dew KickStart– Rockets… Missiles — so kids can be more insane
McDonald’s Bad Lip Reading
Seattle won the toss… after Huggy Bear Namath flipped the coin
2014 ford fusion hybrid — Rob Riggle. . There was a dog in it so Gigglepup screamed throughout the entire damned thing
2014 ford fusion hybrid — James Franco as Rob Riggle… with a Tiger… and gpup is going apeshit. this doesn’t bode well for the rest of the animal-riddled adverts
(safety. seattle. well, anyone who has a 2 in their box is psyched)
Bud Light – hidden cameras – ian rappaport – part 1.
Maserati — “the world is full of dragons” — little kid. “we walk out of the shadows, we walk out of the dark and strike” (kinda menacing… at first I thought it was an anti-Bullying PSA… not a frigging Maserati ad…)
Doritos.. — Time Machine -. kid screwing a guy out of doritos. cute
Chevy – Man. Truck. Eligible Bachelor (Bull) Lonely Hearts, Romance… Hello Ladies… Drops off the Bull in the middle of a herd of Cows to the song “You Sexy Thang” — yes. it made me chuckle.
Jesse Pinkman on the Lam!! also titled Need For Speed.
Turbo Tax - watching another team in the superbowl is like watching another guy taking the girl you like to the prom Sean’s Stats at the prom – John C. Reilly V/O
Bud Light. Ian – Don Cheadle. Llama. Arnold. Ping Pong – Part 2
Ellen as Goldilocks… Beats By Dre
(RED) & Bank of America — Bono strutting. B&W ad. U2 concert.
Dad catching son. Hyundai Genesis that stops the car when there is danger.
Cheerios – ah the “controversial interracial” Cheerios ad… they’re having a baby and a puppy!
SquareSpace (nice ad.. but go to hell.)
Radio Shack. The 80s Called they want their store back. Radio Shack is upgrading. lots of 80s icons clearing out the store. decent.
Don’t ever leave. Chevy — Shots of sprawling landscapes. Couple This Tuesday is World Cancer Day. Jeezuz, Chevy.
GoDaddy. Tuturro helping some strange puppeteer chick quit her job. At least she wasn’t half nekkid
Bud Light – cold bottles. reclosable bottles. resealable. “Cool Twist”. meh
T-Mobile – Tim Tebow. wanting a contract. showing different ways contracts are limiting.
WeatherTech – uses American apparently
Marky Mark VS Transformers. Enough said.
VW – 100,000 miles a German Engineer gets his wings. (nice scene in the men’s room with smaller wings…)
Wonderful Pistachios – Stephen Colbert
H&M David Beckham Bodywear… thank you for having an ad again this year.
Wonderful Pistachios – Stephen Colbert with more branding.
Spiderman2 – movie. stuff blowing up
Car Max - slow clap. RUDY cameo!
Geico - pig at DMV. c’mon, show a new ad. It’s the fucking Super Bowl.
Peanut M&Ms. Russian mob – menacing. basically saying he’s going to Chop him into little pieces and sprinkle on ice cream.
Coca-Cola - America The Beautiful sung in multiple languages. TAG: America Is Beautiful. classic. moving.
SONOS — White room – changing colors to music on phone…. blue… red… yellow. Full your home with music
MUPPETS – Toyota Highlander – Electric Mayhem busting into a bingo hall… with Terry Crews
Cure auto insurance saying “call an audible. Omaha Omaha! What the F**k does Omaha mean anyway??” — meh.
Bud Light Platinum – annoying club stuff.
Cure auto insurance spoofing with “Don’t you ever talk about me!”
JEEP. Stillness is what actually kills us. Restlessness starts with an itch. and it’s another car commercial. Cherokee. Built Free.
Whoa. Comedians In Cars Getting Coffee advert.
GoPro — felix baumgartner jumping from space. great.
NFL Draft - Jerry Ricecake
(anyone else effing bored to tears with the adverts AND the game???)
Scientology... yeah… eh. no.
AUDI — holy fuck. Dobrahuahua… best ad so far. (not sure if it’s because the bar has been set very low though — but the inclusion of Sarah MacLaughlin was great.)
GOLDI BLOX – Girls ditch your toys…
T-Mobile – Tebow Contract ad (different one)
AXE Peace – The most powerful weapon is love. (have seen it before but it’s pretty goof.)
Chobani – Bear – Tearing the hell out of a country store… Ringing counter bell. wants Chobani Honey yogurt.
KIA – Lawrence Fishburne singing opera
Heinz Ketchup — If you’re happy and you know it slap your ketchup bottle. simple. cute.
HONDA - Bruce Willis – Car Safety – give everyone a hug. Fred Armisen hugging him tight.
Budweiser - Lt. Chuck Nadd – homecoming – moving.
Chrysler – America’s Import – Detroit — Bob Dylan. “is there anything more American than America?”
NFL — “Together We Make Football” — i liked it.
Toyota Highlander with more Muppets singing…
Time Warner Cable. Puff Daddy, Liev Schreiber, Jon Voight, tons of celebs showing that they are on cable.
Coca-Cola — “don’t mess this up again Adrien.” — adrien might be sort of fast, but he’s kinda S-L-O-W.
Butterfinger Peanut Butter Cups- Peanut Butter & Chocolate in couples therapy
Microsoft – Technology – (yay science!) –
Hyundai Elantra - Johnny Galecki – Richard Lewis – meh.
Jaguar – #GoodToBeBad – Ben Kingsley – Villains
Oikos - John Stamos – dropping yogurt on his pants as a woman was about to go down on him. – Bob Saget/Dave Coulier c-blocking him. Full House mini-reunion
T-Mobile — talking about killing your contract (while the HamsterDance music plays in the background)
SodaStream – Scarlett Johansen sucking on a straw.
24 – Live Another Day — Keifer Sutherland — guess I have to watch the original 24
jeez… the score is 43 – 8 Seahawks… with 3 minutes left in the game.
Budweiser - Clydesdale * Puppy * Best Buds…. yeah i teared up.
GoDaddy - spray tan… actually a funny one.
Doritos – dog lone ranger music – lasso. cute
the game is over. I’m gonna go watch Downton Abbey.
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As most of you know, I design websites for comedians (For those who don’t know this… click here and then come back.)
Anyway… I’ve been a web designer since 1997 and after working for a few companies and designing big time corporate stuff, I finally branched out on my own in 2005 because I’d started designing websites for folks in the comedy world.
I have had this one client – who I adore – since 2006 and who, prior to my working for him, I was in awe of. Still am.
The thing is – and the reason why I am writing at the moment – even though it’s been around 8 years that we’ve teamed up, I am still floored by the fact that when we speak on the phone (which is often, usually around 3am and that’s cool by me) he actually asks for my input and respects my opinions.
That’s the thing… why am I floored by that? Because he’s brilliant, yet wants to know what I think?
Know what I think about that? I think that it says a crapload about how my self-esteem is not exactly at the level that it SHOULD be.
It’s pretty kick ass to know and feel you’re appreciated by others… why the heck do I have a hard time appreciating myself? Or viewing myself the way others do?
I have 17 years of web design under my belt… yet, in my head, I get so down on myself sometimes that my brain psychs myself out and tries to make me feel like I have no business doing this stuff.
Yes. This is ridiculous.
I have a ton of clients who are awesome (including the one that I mentioned before) and I am glad that they’ve stuck by me… why the heck do I wind up putting myself down in my own noggin?
SO… this is my thing… I am going to pull my self-confidence up by my bootstraps — I know that I can design and code and all that good stuff… and I am not going to keep selling myself short in my head.
Anyone else feel like they do that to themselves??? I want to know!
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Okay… have we noticed a slight theme here with the “check for that check” posts? I kinda am not rolling in dough. This has to change.
So… I’m hoping that this 52-week Money Challenge gives me a bit of a boost… (seeing as winning the Powerball hasn’t really panned out thus far.)
Since it’s January 31st, I have a whopping $15 folded up and tucked into the bottom of a jar (I folded it really small so I wouldn’t see it right away and be itching to spend it.)Share on Facebook