This Is My Brain Not On Drugs…


Well, last night I was awake along with my brain until 5am (perhaps I should correct myself and say “this morning” instead) — some time around 2am, I was laying in bed & gigglepup was sleeping and was breathing in a way that made me actually look over to see if it was Gigglemom in the room. Yeah. It was that similar… and you know how ghosts like to play tricks… anyway, it was just the dog.

So that, coupled with the fact that I kinda haven’t had enough cash to get my refill on my Lexapro since Wednesday sort of put my noggin into overdrive with the racing thoughts.

Yay. I knew I should’ve taken my cherry-flavored nyQuil before I went to sleep so I wouldn’t have to deal with that stuff.

So what was the topic of worry that kept me awake?

Death. not others… but my own. Not so much being afraid of death, but having a lack of organization…

1. Hey. Still single. No kids. Just have my gigglepup.

My Aunt Toni is my emergency contact… I should probably mention to her that I want to be cremated… That is, if my body is found and Gpup hasn’t devoured me already.

2. I work for myself… I am worried for my clients

So there’s no IT person to crack a code or another designer to pick up the slack if anything – God Forbid – ever happens to me.

Yes, all of my clients have their passwords and everything, but, they don’t have all of the original files for photoshop, dreamweaver, illustrator, etc. (the ones that I’ve started doing stuff in WPress are a little luckier…)

Not for nothing (and Aunt Toni, if you’re reading this, don’t be offended, but you know you really aren’t totally computer savvy so I think I need to have someone else handle the techie part of my death — NOT THAT I AM PLANNING ON DYING — just listing all the crap that was buzzing in my head in the wee hours of the morning) — I think I will need to have my external hard drive sent to either the manager of one of my main clients or I need to talk to one of my trustworthy computer friends to confiscate this stuff and I’ll have an envelope with instructions and contact info… OR I will have envelopes for clients with a recommendation of another great web person…

See? Told ya’ this shit was crazy-sounding!

3. I don’t have a Will… or a Living Will.

It’s really not necessary… I don’t have a house… I don’t have a bank account overflowing with cash (UNTIL later tonight when I win the Powerball… fuck… I swear to God, if that “Isn’t It Ironic” song comes true, I will be pissed.)

Okay… WHEN I win the Powerball, I will draft up a Will. In the meantime, eh, Aunt Toni, enjoy my couch and my MINI Cooper. Also, I’ve gotta tell people about my storage unit…

Around 4am was when I was thinking to myself… “how will I get the proper storage unit code and key information to them?” — okay, yeah, now that I’ve slept, it’s pretty much a no-brainer and I can just write the crap down and make a spare key — or better yet, I need to clean that unit out anyway and stop paying the $50/month for it.

As far as a Living Will – I should probably get one of those drawn up… I saw how important that was with Gigglemom. All I know is (since I haven’t won the Powerball YET) that I am cool with being a DNR.

4. Gigglepup won’t have a mom.

That’s the one thing that I’ve already discussed and lined up… Giggleneighbor upstairs is her Godmother and she & GPup get along like peas and carrots… so, no worries there.

5. That’s about it.

Around 4:45am I DID wind up taking a swig of the cherry-flavored nyQuil so it kinda shut this crap up in my head and I didn’t delve into it any more until I started writing it here.

So basically, the main thing I am worried about is making sure my clients are set & secure with stuff for their websites.

AGAIN… I am not planning on kicking the bucket, taking a dirt nap or pinin’ for the fjords.

I really need to get my Lexapro refilled though.




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  1. I am here for you and gigglepup OK..

  2. You got me too!

    There are a few of us in a similar situation- single, no kids, no estate to really speak of, self employed and with limited family. I often think if something were to happen to me no one would find my body for days or months. Who would take care of my things? My shows? Etc?

    I know we should get living wills, and have our passwords and any keys to any unfinished business in the hands of someone we trust.
    I just haven’t gotten around to it yet.

    Too much deep thinking for a Saturday night.

    On a happier note: please know that you are quite beloved!

    Happy weekend,

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